Be Persistent

The hidden.

2012-02-03T11:18:00.000+08:00

It's funny how people question the use of social network to express their feeling. I for once, posted (re-posted actually) a status from someone that says: "If u have a problem, face it, not facebook it." But now that I know the feeling, I do post my feeling on Facebook or Twitter or in Path. I mean, what's wrong with that? When you feel like expressing it, why not? Would you rather bottle it and let it explode at the wrong time in a wrong situation? I guess posting it for others to read is one way of making you feel "We heard you". True, if you have a problem, you should face it rather than posting it. But in a way I think, the first step to remedy these problems is through acceptance. If you accept the fact that you have a problem, then you would accept the fact that you should do something about it. When you accept the fact that you failed your exam, you will learn to accept that, "if I continue to be this depressed, I can never take a step further".

So I've posted in my path, my facebook and my twitter page: "The hidden :)"

For my status in my whatsapp, I made it a little less ambiguous by saying: "Behind this hearty laugh, lies a deluge of sadness."

Truthfully, I am sad. But I refused to succumb to tears. Tears is a sign of weakness. Instead, I showered everyone with laughter to show strength. People have no idea, I've lied to them.

But... Why would they care? If they knew I lied, errr... so? I might've fooled them, but the biggest fool of them all is myself. I myself is the victim of my action. The lie has no implication on anyone but on myself. Therefore I have to accept the fact that I'm not happy and I should move on. There's no use crying over spilt milk. It won't come back. Instead, wipe away the mess and pour yourself another glass.

There, there... All the better. :)

So If you do have a problem, do FACEBOOK it, then FACE it and FREE the burden off your chest.

P.S: this is also another way of making you feel heard.

What I would like to become...

2012-01-23T11:01:00.001+08:00

When I was a child, I dreamed of becoming many things; a violinist, a meteorologist, a scientist, a truck driver, a singer but, above all, my ambition was to become a teacher. I remembered that as a kid, I viewed teacher as someone who knows about everything, someone who solves problem easily and someone who has the authority to tell you off or to boss you around. But as I entered secondary school, I soon had forgotten about my dream in becoming a teacher.

My interest shifted to become a geologist as geography was my favourite subject. By the end of my secondary level, I was determined to pursue it as my career and took geography, chemistry and physics when I entered the sixth form. However, since mathematics is not my strength, I was performing rather badly in school at this stage. I left the school with just 2 ‘A’s and decided to try my luck by applying to our two local institutions. I applied to a HND in accounting in one institution and diploma in primary education in the other. I was hoping to land myself in the accounting department as, rumours had it that fresh graduate will have a small glimmer of hope for getting a job, especially those who endeavoured for teaching as a profession. I was left crestfallen again when I was not admitted into the accounting department and left with no choice but to take the teaching course.

Nonetheless, prior to entering the university, my niece was born. For several months or so, I baby-sitted her. I taught her how to count and taught her how to sing the ABC’s. I discovered that there was so much pleasure in ‘coaching’ her. I was there the whole time when she metamorphosed from “I don’t know how to count” to someone who could say “one, two, three” with her fingers. I was proud of her as I was proud of me. Then out of the blue, I was struck by my own memory. I remembered that I made a promise to become a teacher when I grew up. I entered the university with an open mind and a new vow: to become the best teacher as possible.

For 4 and half years, we’ve learned various theories, teaching methods and strategies. It was the final four months of my degree that we put that theories, methods and strategies into practice. Naturally, there were times when the methods we used either worked or foiled but that is one of those time when we learned from our mistakes. After the teaching practice, I graduated from the university with an upper secondary classification and I was never proud of me ever. Dreams do come true after all.

Now, here comes a million dollar question: “What would I like to be as a future teacher?” In my head, I keep saying to myself that I would like to be the teacher who is well-respected by their pupils but still maintained a good rapport. I would like to be a teacher who students will look up to or someone whom they could trust with their problems. However, this I believe does not make up of a successful teacher.

Yes that is what I want to become; a successful teacher. A teacher who can think outside of the box and outside of the classroom and also someone who makes classroom experiences enjoyable and memorable. I would like to become a teacher who is flexible and unexpected but also confident and is not afraid to make mistakes and explore various teaching methods. A sense of humour would also be a good extra in the package. But of all that I have listed above, I think the most important trait that a successful teacher (and ultimately, what I should have) should possess is the positive attitude towards learning, the curiosity and also the honesty in their self-reflection. A teacher would have the acceptance that they too are human and just as any human would, they do mistakes.

Of course, as evident from my teaching practice, being all that will consume a lot of ‘high maintenance’ and would be very difficult to ‘walk the talk’. Nonetheless, in my opinion, if a teacher set a particular expectation on themselves, it would be easier for them to move towards that goal. Unsurprisingly, if we are to be realistic, we could not have been all of that, but for the sake of our younger generation and also for the future, we as the ‘education engineer’ will have to make the best of it.

Crying...

2012-01-04T09:03:00.001+08:00

Crying isn't going to solve anything...

BooHoo. :'(

2011, you shall be missed!

2011-12-30T11:52:00.000+08:00

YO blog!

Two more days to new year. Any new resolution? I haven't get to decide mine, since I had not achieved the resolutions I made for year 2011. Perhaps I shall carry those forward to year 2012.

Phew... 2011 huh? Hmm, What have I missed? Basically nothing. I'm still alive and breathing and are still fit to roam the land of the Earth. 2011 has been a memorable journey for me. Let's pretend that we're in a sci-fi movie and the ceiling, the walls and the floor are just one big screen that would just whorl as the scene changes. Ready? Set... GO!

At the beginning of the year, granddad from me mam's side was seriously ill. So ill, that he lost weight and we barely recognised him. It's so lucky that we still have you Grandpop!

Then Shortly after, I had my TP! Great experience! Felt like I've became a major protagonist in a tiny village of dwarves. I love the kids and most potently, They LOVE me! Of course, not everyday is sunny. I had those occasional moments where it's cloudy, windy or even stormy! My particular memorable one was with one of my favourite boys! (If you're not sure of the story, refer back to my older posts). However towards the end of TP, I had a lot of work to do, and it somewhat took a toll on me. LOL Anyhow, moving on!

Right after I finished my TP, somewhere around May, we received a bad news about my grandpop living in Perlis. We've received intelligence that he had passed on. Mom and dad had just came back from the West Malaysia, and they'd insisted him to live with us. But then, he declined. Ah well, there's nothing we can do about it. Fate is in the hands of god. If I were to die now, I would! Although I have so little memory with him, but his blood (along with others) still courses through my veins. Family will always be family, no matter what or how far you're separated.

When I returned, our TP results were out. My hopes were high and never had I anticipated so much in my life. I was bummed when I got a B+. So devastated that I cried. But I was glad of my GK family and my mom for supporting me through and through. After the news sank in, I told myself: " B+ is not so bad after all"

Then things started to get busy. Me and Dayang had to rush up and down to UBD, MOE and also to James Hon for our masters application. And I had to tend to my aunt (who came back with us) and I had to please her every now and then. I tell you, the day when we bade her goodbye, I practically whopped in the airport. Mind you, people were starring but I couldn't care less. Now,

September came, I had my silver jubilee and ladida dida. Ugh, Come now, let's move on. Let's not dwell in something that's as finite as age, will ya? Oh by the way, the day my aunt went back to Malaysia was the best birthday present I could ever get. I'm mean, I know, but you don't know you're talking about. Try living with her and you would hand me a box of tissue out of empathy.

Then the big day came, I got my SECOND UPPER DEGREE in B.A in Primary Education. I was uber proud of myself and it has been hard work (and lots of procrastination too). 5 years man, 5 FREAKING LONG years. But I reaped what I sow. I stuck to what I vowed when I hand in the application form. The certificate I hold is for you mom! And I hope you're proud and happy of me! :'D Oh, And then I graduated from UBD. I remember I was rather emo sitting at the back seat of our car. "There couldn't be anything else that would make me any happier", I said to myself. And I STAND CORRECTED (or maybe sit corrected, LOL). I received a news that I, along with the others had been granted a full scholarship for pursuing my Masters degree.

Skipping the misfortunate event dealing with the scholarship, everything was a complete mess. I had half- a mind to withdraw but considering that I'd worked too hard to get this far, I swallowed the medicine whole. And look where the others and I are now... Never had I dreamed that I would go this far.

So blog, considering that I've written this 400 years worth of reading essay, I hope you've forgiven me for not visiting you. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a 4000 words assignment to write on. What a good way of spending my holiday and new year, huh? Nonetheless, wish me all the best. ;D Till we meet again someday.

Mother...

2011-12-28T09:59:00.000+08:00

Mother...

You brought light into my life,

You are the sustenance and the warmth that I need,

You moved heavy mountains off my chest,

You nag with guidance... In hope that I would be the best.

But then mother, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I hope you are proud of me as I'm proud of you...

I miss you and I longed for you.

And I will pray for your health.

LOVE, from your homesick son. :'(

My silver jubilee

2011-09-05T00:48:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to Tan Chun Yang,
Happy birthday to me! :)

Dear blog...

2011-08-18T13:07:00.000+08:00

Dear blog,

it's been a while since I've dropped by. I hope you are fine. A lot has changed in the past few months. But I am still the same old me. The same obese, fat-loving bastard who can't be helped anymore. Yep that's me. No need to consider my feelings. I'm no human afterall. All the fats in me are blocking all the insinuation right back at ya.

So dear blog, give me with your best critisicm. I'm sure I won't bite. :)

I'm also...

2011-06-19T18:51:00.000+08:00

I'm also a human. There are times when I feel inadequate. Enuf said. :'(

Result....

2011-06-16T21:47:00.001+08:00

Result is out... I got a B+. For once, I never longed for an A this badly. Most of the GK members got an A. I'm so happy for them.

Normally, I would be smiling from ear to ear hearing that I got a B+. Nonetheless, this time I was rather sad. Sad, would be an understatement. Like I said, never had I ever feel so longing to score an A in my overall result. I did my very best, I tried my hardest, I barely slept just to get an A. But I still score a B. Perhaps it's fate.

Perhaps my father is speaking the truth? That I'm never gonna be exceptional. That I never be able to surpass my own self. That I will forever be, as he said it countless of time: "stupid". Am i not challenging myself hard enough? Am I not ambitious enough? Am I weak?

The thought is killing me...

Where's my soulmate?

2011-06-11T08:27:00.002+08:00

My apologies for the long absence. After all, absence only make the heart grow fonder, is it not? Of late, I've been in a strange mood and I can't quite put my fingers on it. Imagine me going to see a psychiatrist and weren't able to tell him the problem.

Oh well, until I know what or who or when or which or why the culprit's bugging me, I want to share a song lyric with you. I've always been a fan of Natasha Bedingfield and this song hit home of what I ALWAYS feel. So here goes:

SOULMATE: NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'Cause someone's bound to hear my cry

Speak out if you do, you're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr(s). Lovable is already in my life?
Right in front of me or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit?
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Oh, somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If you've never heard of the song, I suggest you go to youtube and start searching the song. :)

When will I see you again?

2011-05-15T20:12:00.000+08:00

When will I see you again?

You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,

No final kiss to seal any sins,

I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,

And a wandering eye,

And a heaviness in my head,

Don't you remember?

The reason you loved me before,

When will I see you again?

What a week...

2011-04-10T08:14:00.000+08:00

After all the effort.... After all the sleepless night... After all those commitment and all those neglect for my life and family and friends.... Nothing seems to be on fruition. It took just a few words to take down a whole man's motivation... :(

It has been a hell of a week. Lost my career's life. Fell down the stairs. Got bump on the head because of the stupid air conditioner. Received poor remarks from my supervisor.

What else is there for me?

I'm just a simple man who deserves a simple life.

A boy named Zafran.... (part 2)

2011-02-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

Zafran, the new candle that lights up my path as a teacher. The child who broaden my vista, the one who opened my mind to see and to give empathy to others. Zafran became my greatest teacher.

Born like any other child, Zafran lived a happy, normal life. But cunning was mishap, predicament befell him at the age of 2. An accident that cost him his life. A fall down the stairs, the skull shattered and left the boy in a comatose state. Replaced with a synthetic skull, doctor gave no guarantee that he will be normal, ever again. With such injury on the head and with only one eye working, Zafran was presumed handicap-able. Few months later, doctors were pleasantly nonplussed as Zafran started running again.

The imprint of the injury still lingers to this date. The fits that he has occasionally is the result of the freak accident- a post traumatic epileptic seizure. What he had gone through was definitely more than any of the other children had gone through. He faces life heads on and never did he ever complained.

You have taught me well and I hope you'll do well in your future, you brave brave boy...

A boy named Zafran.... (part 1)

2011-02-25T08:44:00.001+08:00

Last Saturday turned out to be 'the' most memorable event in my years of teaching (well, up to this point). The day appeared to be just like any other ordinary day and that was where the twist came in. I was having English period with my year 4 and things got ugly. Not literally though. One boy of mine, in fact one of my favourites, had an epileptic seizure. Gave me a fright he was.

A read-aloud comprehension session was soon replaced by an agonizing scream. I looked back and saw, to my horror, the boy holding his finger as if it was caught on fire. Barely reaching out for his shoulders, the boy, continued with his screams, now, as it seemed, tried to bury one of his arms into the chest.

The anguish pain was soon replaced by a sick, gurgling sound. The head jerked uncontrollably, the mouth twitching to the sides in a frenzy. In an attempt to do something, I tried to carry the boy, but futile it was, the best I could do was to drag him onto the floor and laid him there.

Feeling impotent, I screamed for help, not knowing what to do, I shouted at some pupils to get help, shouted at some more, pleading for space and air for the poor child . Few minutes later the fits seemed to slow down. Holding the boy in my arms, calling out his names, praying and wishing that the boy will gain consciousness any time soon, I took a gallant step to check for the breath. Registering what was happening, I completely lost it, shouted at the remaining pupils to get help from the staffroom. With a whole crowd of pupils rushing to search for aid, I was left alone (with one or two pupils), fat tears forming at the sides of the eyes; "He stopped breathing", I repeated countless of time in my head....

By the time aid is here, it will be too late, I told myself in despair. Just then, the boy resuscitated, swaying with minimal control of the body. Murky it was, now the room seemed to be dazzling and blinking. Aid came one tad bit too slow but all was well.

The boy was rushed to the hospital but the aftermath of the event lingered. The heart palpitated like there was no tomorrow and all colours drained from my face. If something were to happen to the boy, I would have blamed me for the rest of my pitiful life, I told myself in great disgust.

One month after...

2011-02-12T21:25:00.001+08:00

This is the first post after a month being a teacher... Honestly speaking, I'm in love with this job! I love all the kids. Well, most of the kids. So far, my favourite class is year 6 Cekal. And I love teaching art!! I love being called Mr. Tan (I don't like to be called sir Tan, sounded like Setan).

Anyhow, Something funny happened today. No, actually two funny things happened today. I went into the year 3 Intan today and as usual I asked them to finish the art I asked them to do for the past three weeks. AND as usual, when they were doing the colouring/pasting, I walked around to monitor their progress. So when I came to this table, a boy was talking fast to me. Let's call the boy, boy T. He knew from previous weeks, I have a ps3, so he kept asking me about games and whatnot. Then, quite abruptly, he said this, "Cigu. Cigu kenal Shahmi? Cigu kenalkan? Shami gitau Tammy yang Shami slalu chat sama cigu dalam facebook." Not really paying attention, I asked: "Tammy ane sapa?" He pointed to his reddening face and replied: "aku" and the whole class was laughing. I had no idea the whole class was eavesdropping. haha, I'm so useless. Poor kid he was.

I went to Nurul's class to observe her teaching year 6 Ceria for art. When I went upstairs, the class was really chaotic. Pupils were running and some girls kept requesting permission to look for Nurul. Because the requests were persistent and because the boys were misbehaving, I decided to 'erupt' in the class (although I'm not supposed to teach them). I yelled myself hoarse and did my best to do a scary stern look and I guess it paid off because I managed to control the class. While I was yelling, I saw my cousin as well as some other children (who is in year 5, next door) peeking into the class. I thought to myself, "wow! I must be really loud that the kids next door came peering to investigate the source of the noise".

During the journey home, I asked to my cousin, "I looked scary just now right?" She replied: "No, not at all. I felt like laughing". TOINK! Then I continued: "How come you guys were there when i was yelling? My voice must be booming then?" She replied: "booming? I can't hear you at all. We were just drinking, that's all"

I'm loving it!

2011-01-21T18:36:00.002+08:00

This is a post from a friend's blog about life. It's purely his writing, so please don't credit me. credit zukri the man! I'm just directing; Here goes:

Little Big Life

Let me get one thing out of the way before we go any further. In my opinion, and after years of pondering, reading, asking and more pondering, I think for absolute certainty that:-

HUMANS ARE LIMITED

We are. We have expiry dates. We have limited time from the moment we were born, to the moment when we finally have our final sleep. In between, we are limited by our energy level, by the time of the day, by the time of other people. We are limited in our physical capacity, by our mental capacity, by our social, spiritual and emotional capacity.

We are limited, by nature.

I cannot be skiing in Korea, while also scuba-diving in Bali. I cannot flap my hands fast enough so that I'll float like a humming bird. I cannot cross a football field in a single leap.

It is obvious that we cannot do everything, no matter how much planning we do. No matter how much positive thinking we inject, no matter how much training we put it.

It is obvious that we cannot do everything – but, make no mistake, we are capable of ALOT.

Most of us never reach our full capacity, because we never dare. We have been taught by society that failure is a painful emotion and that we should back away from even the possibility of failing. That holds us back. That makes us unwilling to put ourselves beyond our boundaries. This makes us limited.

Indeed, I believe that we, humans, are limited – but we are nowhere near that limit.

There are things that are being discovered today that we never knew possible a few years ago. There are inventions, born from a single idea, and grew into empires. Records are broken. Adventures had. Books written. Wonderful, new things being done every single day.

One day, we will reach our fullest potential, our maximum stretch, our furthest reach, where we've reached our limitation and unable to grow anymore.

But that day is nowhere near us.

We all have a part to play in pushing ourselves, and discovering how far we can jump, how high we can reach, how much we can take.

Do your part for humankind. Show us what we’re capable of doing!

Here is a trivial post...

2011-01-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

Hey there... I've got something to share here.

I was told by a friend that a certain ferry (somewhere closer than you think) charged people for going to the toilet. I mean yeah, why bother sharing this, it's quite common for some faculties/buildings/transportation to charge us for going into the lavatory.

Well I'd say, hold on to your sea horses! I've not made my point! For starters, the ferry charged 20 cents to those who go into the toilet to urinate. What's more, people who wants to defecate or in a more delicate form of word, "to shit" will have to pay 30 cents. AND AND AND, there's more! If you go for both, you'll actually have to pay 50 cents. Well yeah, a 2nd year primary school child can solve that simple addition. BUT (there's a huge but for it), this is not about the pricing (well in a way, yes, this is about the pricing).

So, here's something for you to think about:

Number 1: Why charged them differently? Both are the final product of waste and there's not much of a difference between these two: They're smelly and dirty. Same degree of disgusting-ness.

Number 2: How would the caretaker know whether they're "shi-shi-ing" or "poo-poo-ing"? By all means, people would be paying 20 cents for all it matters. Unless, they put a camera inside the toilet to know whether this people are lying or vice versa. Or a much less brutal way, put up a smell-o-meter to give it a sniff whether they are pissing or crapping. Right?

Number 3: Who,and I mean, WHO goes into the toilet and make a 'huge investment' without the 'small investment'; who? No one right? Then, for all it matters, they should be putting "20 cents for the tinkle and 50 cents for the wrinkle" or even better "20 cents per entry" for the signboard, which sounded much more reasonable and less hassle.

So there you go. If there is someone who has a different opinion, go on and give it a comment.

It's the Nu ya!

2011-01-01T19:52:00.000+08:00

Hey Hey! Its the New Year! Welcome year 2011, bye bye 2010... I know for sure that this year, there's a lot to look forward for... One thing, I'm turning 25 by September and also, I'll be leaving UBD (if there's no problem). and Ooh yeah, I'll also be having my teaching practise and guess what? It's just around the corner... Nervous! And not to forget, it's the 1st of January so it has been 3 years since our beloved grandmother left us.

Now that year 2010 is sooooo last year, let's talk about year 2011. As in, what would I like to achieve? you know? A new year resolution? lol... So here's what I want to achieve by the final day of December 2011.

By the end of year 2011, I should be able to:

1) Ignore all the negative remarks supplied to make you feel bad about yourself and be happier.

2) Complete my degree and also to pursue for higher achievement.

3) maintain a healthier lifestyle.

4) express myself and deal with stress better than I could now.

5) become a better: friend, son, uncle, teacher, person and better boyfriend

6) land myself a nice, "I-heart-cooking" girlfriend.. haha! I'm kidding about this one. I may have felt lonely at certain times but I'm not desperate! haha

Well, there you go, 5 resolutions to keep by the end of year 2011. AND, go BLAST yourself with the new year celebration. haha

Sarah

2010-12-28T21:16:00.003+08:00

This is a story I got from Chicken Soup for teacher's soul. It's really inspiring and in a way, broaden my mind. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and I hope you'll be able to gain something from this story.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. =H. Jackson Brown, Jr.=

I will never forget Sarah. In my eight years as a Head Start teacher, she was my most exceptional student.

One morning, the administrator had called my assistant and me into her office. she told us that we'd be getting a new student- a three-year-old named Sarah. "The girl has been abused," she said. Her father had poured a scalding bucket of hot water down her head, badly burning her neck, back and legs and scalp. She had no hair. Her back and legs would have to be wiped down with oil every few hours so they would not get stiff.

Sarah visited my preschool room the next day for an introductory meeting while the other students were out. Her facial features were petite, and she smiled up at me with innocent brown eyes, startlingly naked because her eyebrows were missing. The back of her bald head was badly scarred down to the neck. She wore a simple white sundress that showed her burnt arms. I seized with anger at the father. The I worried about how the other children would react. I struggled to maintain calm in front of Sarah, her foster mother and my teaching assistant. After Sarah and her mom left, I gave into tears.
"We must prepare the students," my assistant reminded me. "We can't just let her walk in and be made fun of."
"To draw attention to her appearance would single her out," I said. After much discussion, we agreed to have Sarah come in for a half-day on her first day in order to ascertain how the children would react towards her.

The morning Sarah arrived she quietly took a seat. I watched her every second. During playtime, the other children talked to her and shared their toys. They didn't seem to notice that she's different.
"It's dress-up time," One of my students reminded me. Everyday before lunch, they all got to raid the closets and play in a collection of grown-up clothes and fanciful kid's costumes.
"Okay, everyone, let's get started," I agreed.

Sarah followed the other children and put on an Easter bonnet and princess outfit. I tried to smile, but the disparity between the delicate fabric and her scarred skin made me ache for her.

Sarah left for lunch. Her classmates had nap-time and then I led a vocabulary-building lesson. Finally I asked the children, "so how do you all like our new friend Sarah?"
One child answered. "Her hands are small."
"Another added, "She picked the long skirt for dress-up."
Not one mentioned her thick skin or her missing hair. The children's observations helped me realise something very valuable. We teachers saw Sarah as a child who had suffered greatly, a child who needed exceptional handling and assistance. We wanted to hold her, prove to her that not all adults were bad. The children, many of whom had also suffered in some way, saw beyond her scarred appearance. They saw another child, a peer, a new friend.

The next school day, during dress-up, Sarah put on the princess clothes again. She stood in front of a full-length mirror and danced in front of her reflection. "I am beautiful," She murmured o herself.

The confidence of her whirling poses and self-compliment struck me. Here was a child who I thought should be shriveling in self-pity. Instead she was twirling around, having fun. I felt humbled by her inner strength and honored to witness her joy in just being alive. I reached out and embraced her. "Yes, Sarah, you are beautiful."

By Michele Wallace Campanelli

Some people just think...

2010-12-22T21:08:00.008+08:00

that being outspoken is really awesome. Well guess again! If you just met someone for the first time, I think it is better for you break the ice first. And by that I don't mean pointing out your weaknesses.

Remember about my fifth pet peeves? Well, I went to the swimming pool today with my cousin and 2 of his colleagues. We've never met before and when we were in the water, one of his friends said this to me: "wow, you're really fat." Stung by the statement, I gave a curt nod and swam off. Later that day, I reported this to my cousin. He said: "well at least he's being honest". Rather hurt by the lack of support, I retort quite aggressively: "He's not being honest, he's being a dick!"

Yes, I AM very sensitive about my weight and I don't like strangers coming to me and point that out. I'm well aware of that, thank you very much! I told my cousin that, "If you don't have a nice thing to say to somebody, you should keep it to yourself". My cousin observed me momentarily and replied:"I see you're not open to criticism".

It felt like he was pouring gasoline onto a raging fire. Although I was quite irritated, I calmly said: "It's not that I'm not open to criticism, It's just that I've been ridiculed countless of times, as far as I'm alive, people just think that calling me fat is like entertainment. They laugh thinking that it's really funny, but they don't know how I feel on the inside."

It's not like I wanted to be this way. Besides, I wouldn't mind if someone criticized me based on my work, I'm confident I have the ability to do better. But in THIS case, I've been trying and trying but I'm still this way. I remember the last 3 months holiday, I made an effort to brisk walk every single day without fail (unless it was raining) but I am still me. The only difference is the increasing number of blisters on my feet. Sometimes I ponder to myself, "aren't people tired of ridiculing others?"

I would like to say, try to be more empathic. Try not to say something hurtful, have more <3...

The things that makes me :)

2010-12-22T00:10:00.006+08:00

Here it is... the lists of things that make me think that I'm in heaven haha. Like my previous post, I'll add in 10 things that can make me smile.

Here goes:

Happy list No.1; Coffee! Especially in the morning. Hmmm, smells nice aaaaaaah... Leaving me totally intoxicated. haha

Happy list No.2; Laughing like there's no tomorrow... Of course you'd feel elated. If you laugh but still feel morose, that's just plain scary. haha

Happy list No.3; Going to the bookstore. Just by smelling the new books makes me smile. So whenever I go out, within the country or outside, I'll look for the bookstore. haha

Happy list No.3; Travelling! Traveling is also one of the things that leave me feeling convivial. But with several conditions:

1. I must be accompanied by someone who's really good with directions and map.

2. It's a english/malay/chinese speaking country. I won't say no to Japanese too.

3. I must bring a lot of money. If not, I'll feel insecure.

Happy list No.4; ICE-CREAM! How I wish we can have an ice-cream that's as big as the ones in "cloudy, with a chance of meatball". Just so you know; my favourite's yam and sweet corn. Again, take the hint. haha

Happy list No.5; singing!! I discovered I like singing when I was in a choir group. It felt really good, like you belonged to something. When I become a teacher, I would start a choir club, if there's no choir club in the school. un un...

Happy list No.6; aaaah yes. Painting. I love painting. Although the only thing thats working is your hand but it's quite tiring you know. But the end product reaps, you'll feel like you've achieved something. haha

Happy list No.7; Cloud-gazing... aah when you look up at the sky and observe the different shaped clouds, you'll feel like you're floating and feel like there's no trouble. Try it, I think you can relax better that way. It's really soothing!

Happy list No.9; Fresh bakery... aaaaaah, the smell... I can sniff all day long.

Happy List No.10; Listening to my playlist. Sorry? Did I hear someone say that the picture above is so contradicting? Well, I deliberately chose it. Got a problem with that? Anyhow, Oooh this is really important for me. I usually won't leave home without my ipod/phone. The songs are the best substitute for my friends when I'm alone.

Of course, I would be listening to:

IKIMONO GAKARI!!

So there you go. My top ten list of things that can make me joyful. So what's yours?

10 pet peeves

2010-12-20T12:23:00.006+08:00

My good friend Mumui posted something that of interest in her blog. It inspired me to do the same here. In her post, she listed all the 'Things that can make her happy'. What a nice thing to do right? To those who wants to get closer to her should read the post; it's really personal. (^_^)V

Anyhow, instead of doing "the things that can make me happy", I would like to do both; the good and the bad. You know, like ying and yang, light and dark, there are always both good and bad in everything. Well, since I'm a good-news-come-after-bad-news type of person, of course I would do the pet peeves first. lol

So here I go:

Pet-peeves No.1: Being accused for something that I never did... Hate it! haha

Pet-peeves No.2: Overly persuasive people. Especially shopkeepers. Really annoying!

Pet-peeves No.3: Getting lost! uwaaaah...

Pet-peeves No.4: Crowded places! As you all know, I'm quite big. so the chance of me knocking others' shoulder is very high. So I try to avoid crowded places if I can.

Pet-peeves No.5: Being called F.A.T!

Pet-peeves No.6: Dispute... A BIG no no no...

Pet-peeves No.7: Cleaning my room. Well I used to like cleaning but, I grew tired of it. Did you know that it's endless? haha

Pet-peeves No.8: aah Yes, I dislike liar too. Why do you have to lie, huh?

Pet-peeves No.9: Owing someone... It doesn't feel nice. Owh and yes, I detest people who borrows but not returning it too. Get the hint please people. haha

Pet-peeves No.10: I abhor waaaaaiiiiii, wait-for-it, ting. I could be using the time to do something useful right? gosh...

Well, there you go. The top ten pet peeves... Try not to judge me, ayte? Wait for my next post about the things that can make me happy. So, stay tune.

The moral of the story is...

2010-12-12T18:15:00.003+08:00

Jangan bagi nama yang bukan-bukan (either real name or nicknames) to your child.

So this is the story of what happened today. My mom and I went to KB town to buy a few things. My mom complained a lot about knee pain (for about a week now), so she went to buy panadol actifast on the counter. I was on her right when she asked for the panadol. But since the panadol was placed next to the counter (not behind the counter, so it's quite difficult for the cashier to reach out for the panadol).

Then my mom said to me: "Yang, ambilkan panadol". But when she said that, she directed it to her left. She thought I was there since there was another guy (wearing the same dark blue shirt) standing there. So, Apa lagi! The guy was really shocked lah when my mom addressed to him. Imagine if there's a woman coming to a guy, saying that she's pregnant and the child's his. Imagine the reaction of the guy. Aaa, sama tah tu udah with the guy tadi ah.

Stammering and eyeing at the girlfriend for help (or perhaps out of guilt? haha). His expression was priceless. He thought my mom called him "yang" bah (short form for sayang = darling). Lucky the shop was half-full. All of us laughed (except the cashier, marung bah; mungkin harus dibedah kali muka atu supaya sentiasa senyum). I would be shocked too if an unknown person called me 'yang' all of a sudden. But he should have known better, manalah ada a mid-age woman panggil ko "sayang" tiba-tiba di public. Mungkin orang atu.... Ish Ish Ish.. haha

Japan, 2009

2010-12-09T15:01:00.011+08:00

Tuesday, 9th June

Unfortunate events:

~Came late to the airport (final call sudah) +

~Excess baggage weight (Had to pay $1000 to get it across to Japan) +

~Sensei made a few calls to Japan, saying that I could not make it +

~The Japan side making arrangements for the next day's flight

= Me, feeling Guilty (since I'm representing Brunei,I guessed I did not present well on the first impression)

Wednesday, 10th June and Thursday, 11th June

This time, I was 2 hours early. Baggage was ok about 21.4kg. So, Lucky I made it, (transiting in Singapore) straight to Osaka International airport. Barely slept in the plane and kept on revising the kanji's that was set for placement test later that morning. Reached Osaka around 6.30 in the morning, messaged sensei and my parents the moment my feet touched the ground, to inform I have reached Japan, whole and safe.

My legs in the taxi...

My room! level 8, no. 10. quite spacious, I must say!

First time pakai mask! mau jua digambar kan?

Views outside my room: Tennis court

Nice bustling road, the beach and also the ferris wheel... I wanna go back there.

Our living room

We have a massage chair in the living room. WOW!

My first try on the massage chair.

The first class: Image of Japan

Group 1

Group 2

Group 3: our group (consists of three members me, Rahimah and Ling)

Image on other countries:

Interestingly, most of the people thought that everywhere you go in Brunei, you'll see gold and they said that all people in Brunei are rich because there's oil everywhere. HAHA

Our biker's gang: Sovann and Theara (Cambodia), Rahimah and Helen (Malaysia), and me

Around Tajiri-cho (Tajiri town)

From l->r: Helen (Malaysia), Derek (New Zealand) and Tan (Brunei)

From l-> r: Theara and Sovann (Cambodia) and Ling Min (Malaysia)

Thanks for the memories!

2010-12-08T15:43:00.004+08:00

Just last week, I was still considered as a hostel lite but not anymore. Now that I'm back in Kaybee, you can no longer call me a 'bandar-ian' (that's what my cousins called me).

I'm never good with words, in fact, every time i opened my mouth, people usually get hurt or I ended saying something stupid or something that got me into trouble. So, during the last day of my hostel life, I never get to say goodbye to my room. The room that had sheltered me for 4.5 years. With one last fleeting look, I left the room, feeling really miserable. It felt like you are being ran through with a heavily rusted blunt sword and the sword is then being slowly withdrawn. Yes! It felt like that.

M1/30, that's my room. Sorry, forgive me, that WAS my room. Thanks for the memories and thanks for your loyalty. I entrust you to the newer generations of the UBD-ans: please take good care of the room. In order to show how thankful I am to you, I include all the good things that you provided during my stay....

Here goes:

1) You can wake up whenever you want

2) You can sleep whenever you want

3) You can go wherever and whenever you want without asking for permissions.

4) You can hide yourself in the room, whenever you're feeling sad or angry.

5) Good internet connection compared to other parts of the hostel.

6) Very cool during the night

7) Fit just right for one person

8) You don't need to do any chores/ limited chores to do.

9) Minimal distraction such as from parents or from television and what not, so you can focus better in completing your assignments (yea, right!)

10) Great connection networks with friends and neighbors.

Blok M1

Room 30. My room for 4.5 years

My last day in hostel, back in year 2009 before leaving of to Japan

Thank you, thank you! You are forever cherished! :(

Finally! The time hath cometh!

2010-12-05T01:35:00.002+08:00

Right! What a tiring day... Been studying kanji (chinese characters) from morning till noon and then started on vocab till 1.00a.m. Congratz! Ani tah hassil org yang procrastinate selalu. so the moral of the story is, never leave the things you can do today till tomorrow. But i never seem to learn that. I wish I'm a workaholic macam sensei.

Speaking of workaholic, there are those days you may feel annoyed with sensei pasal ya jenisnya pemajal. But if you think clearly, dapat ko nampak yang apa ya buat atu, apa yang ya majalkan atu is rasanya kan muridnya kan pandai belajar. really respect that. Pernah kamu ternampak or terdangar ada lecturer/cigu yang sanggup stay after working hours untuk mengajar, let alone sampai mengajar ke tengah tengah malam buta? You could noticed that she had a reaaaaallly long day, but she still stayed with us sampai abis. I hope kalau aku jadi cigu karang, aku bukan jadi jenis cigunya yang MaGaBu. In other words, I want to inherit sensei's will of fire. haha.

Anyhow, it will be my final exam IN UBD. Wish me luck, although I doubt i could pass. Kalau dapat pun, I think the score would be low. But it's ok, after restu sensei, lega juga hati mendangar ya kata lau ku fail pun nda pa, sebab kita belajar dalam masa 4 hari saja. memang record tu mun ku dapat high marks. hehe. After tomorrow, I'm off to Yahoohoo land.

So i take my leave here; Oyasuminasai!

WONDERFOOL people :P

2010-11-28T20:04:00.015+08:00

I'm just glad to have met these people... Wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you are, whyever you are, whenever you are, whoseever you are and however you are (Ignore the lameness), I just want to thank you for being a part of my life. :)

Me & sarin! Jangan hairan haha Kami 2 andang selahau

Me & Teo. Apa lah kabar anak ane? bermuscle kali sudah haha

Me and Hakutaro-niisan. Kira my best bud di hostel lah tu...

Gambar time Sarin burfday: notice aku nda pandai senyum dulu atu haha

From l->r: Eyan, Mumui, Mena, Dayang & Dyane

HnF: DC

top: Jujai & Yul

2nd From top: Zhaf, Akio-kun & Aniki

3rd from top: Pipudin & Me

Bottom: Hani, Gibby, Amal, Hana & Piyah

Bakal artis Brunei haha: Najib paris hilton & Me

Itu dia, zaman Resco dulu... Kami ane digelar, puak Dusun haha

Najib junior, Lucy and me

Me, Nanami-chan and Hikari-chan. Japanese speech contest dulu

Me, Tajul (Prince metrosexy) & Jabilin (Butler perampas)

Me, Zana'riah' & Apip

Me & Da.Da (Perempuan yang paling pertama saya tegur di Form 1) haha

Great friends from outside Brunei:

l->r: Rota (Laos), Nan (Laos), Ling Min (Perak), Helen (Sabah) & me

Roel (Australia), me & Nan! I miss them so much

Last kali, group free radicals awww. Fadma, Matt, Safiana, Hamni & me.

I feel loved with 'em. haha. Sekiranya ada urg2 yang saya termiss, jgn kecil hati, sesungguhnya kamu bukan disayangi. Eyh salah, sesungguhnya aku nada pic kamu or kamu nda sayang aku. hahaha kidding.

V(-- v --)V Double peace

It's almost the end... But not just yet!

2010-11-28T19:33:00.006+08:00

Hey there. Still have two exam papers and I'm free to go. BUT WAIT! not just yet. I still have another one on the 5th. Congrats bnr. I just attended one class and now I'm expected to be able to answer a one-whole-year-class paper? sighhh... Good luck on passing that one. But yeah...

Speaking of which.. Its our final semester in UBD, and some parts of me are happy to leave, while some are clinging on those cherished (and uncherished) memories, like a hermit crab to its shell. 5 years man, 5 freaking long years! well, four and a half years to be exact.

A lot has happened within that time. Falling in love, betrayed by love, making new friends, sever ties with some old friends, more memories, more experiences, more tears, more laughter, more 'kena marah', more "I shall, and will never procastinate everrrr again" and more broken promises and more this and more that, the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on AND ON. haha Funny how life works, huh? One minute you're this, another you're that.

Oh well. But the most important thing is to take responsibilities to whatever we've done and to face with any challenges head on. I welcome you, new challenges (referring to TP next semester) with open arms (as well as some tissue boxes, just in case (manalah tau, menangis tia)) haha

By year 2011, you won't hear me complain about assignments anymore. You'll hear me talk about school, my fellow colleagues, my supervisor, my pupils, my teaching, and my teaching grades.

Ah well, life goes on anyways. le gasp... Its much of an ending for me as an undergraduate and I'm welcoming a new wind for my career.

Winter in 2008: Part 2

2010-09-11T12:11:00.006+08:00

Here's part 2

Day 1 in Japan: Our first step in JAPAN!

A series of unfortunate event: Flight to Japan delayed; stayed one night in Hong Kong and Nisa lost her baggage (It got left behind in Brunei)

Me and Kak Yati

We had to go to UniQlo for Nisa's clothes and then dinner at Rasa Malaysia in Ginza

The following morning: Mitsubishi corporation office

Before boarding the sky tour

Me and Kato-san, a lovely lady
We took the topmost deck of the Sky tour

Sightseeing around Marunoichi

The secretary general of Mitsubishi Corporation: Nikaido-san. Shared a lot of experiences with us and adviced us to change the perception of Japanese people towards Muslims as terrorists. A good chap he is!

Rikkyo university: The boy has been to Brunei for student exchange programme

They were really impressed with the 'baju cara melayu'

Presentation time:

Brunei: Introduction to Brunei- relationship with Japan

Japan: Impression of homestay in Brunei

We were bombarded with questions from the Japanese student. Some of the questions were really sensitive but we tried our best to answer.

E-mail exchange and dinner

They kept bringing us food and treated us like guests of honour

Tummy's full, last stop Hotel Asia Center and Zzzz.

Memory of Japan

2010-09-10T23:12:00.004+08:00

Winter in 2008 (part 1): Hong Kong

Nisa-san

My first step in Hong Kong

Other Artifacts:

Christmas Deco everywhere

Japan! I miss!

2010-09-10T22:20:00.005+08:00

Sakura

Mount Fuji

I know, I know... Lack of updates... right? But I have good news for you readers out there (I think!) Recently, I learned that with a pang on my face that a year had passed after coming back from Nippon! So in order to fulfill these empty feelings, I would like to dedicate my FREE time (if I have) to share some experiences from these trips (2008 and 2009).

Flag of Japan: Land of rising sun

Fresh Look!

2010-09-10T16:17:00.002+08:00

Today's a short one... Just finished refurbishing the old look for this blog... How does it look? I hope it's a fresh one ;)

ANYHOW, It was my birthday last Sunday... I spent the whole afternoon, answering greetings. Nothing eventful happened DURING my birthday. I have learned to expect that... (Aww, don't feel sorry for me. Things been like this since ages ago, hahaha). Nonetheless, my good friends (or should I say the 5 chicas) from UBD DID surprised me last thursday (3days before my birthday) and I was left speechless. I should say kudos to the actresses (mena and eyan; eyan's was particularly convincing)... So I would like to say thank you and I love you all for your thoughtfulness.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say Selamat Hari Raya to everyone; both to the muslims and the non-muslims; hope that we can co-exist in peace! What we have now is a blessing and cherish every, single bit of it. Don't forget that!

A small random story

2010-05-24T19:34:00.006+08:00

I'm notorious for being random. And there you go, I start off by saying something random. But that's the fact, isn't it? Ask my friends...

Speaking of friends, I was minding my own business at the park near my house this afternoon, and I got this sudden urge to call my friend, who's living in Laos. Since I didn't know her phone number, I asked my friends (who's also living in Laos but she didn't reply, so I asked another friend, who's in Malaysia). When I got my Laos friend's number, I called her for the first time after I left Japan, which was like a year ago. My heart was pounding hard against my ribs; what if I didn't have anything to say to her? What if there's a lot of akward silences? After all, her japanese is far better than me. And she knows little English.

Nonetheless, I called her and she sounded confused when she picked up the phone. Backed to being random, I didn't say to her who I was. As usual, I start off by saying things, like: "Hey How are you? Everything's fine, right? I heard you're going to Japan. You know, I always think of you. How we used to fight and all. I miss all that, you know?" It was like a few minutes after when she asked, "err may I know who's this?" kweng kweng kweng...

But when I told her who I was, she was like "Wah!! To what do I owe you this pleasure?" She was really happy that I called. Unfortunately, the phone line got lost and I could not get back to her (Darn you, phone services!!) Her last sentence was like: "Me? I'm doing my thesis righ.." My timing couldn't have been worse.

And that is the story of me being random. So what's your story?

Honestly speaking

2010-05-23T22:27:00.004+08:00

Hello hello... Long time no see.

Well if lies been told, i'd say: "Sorry, I've been extremely busy" but no! Honestly speaking, I've been really really really lazy to update and let's face it, who's been reading my posts anyway? Excuses, excuses, excuses!! Who am i kidding to? haha

Anyhow, this is like the second week of our so called "3 months holiday" and though it was as unevenful as it can be, I still appreciate it. Kinda hate it, when people said: "thank goodness I'm still here. Boredom's killing me". I suggest you get that shovel out of the storeroom and start digging your grave. Seriously!! (not that I'm giving you any ideas). well, if you know how to spend it, you won't be complaining, desho? why don't you do something useful for a change? Start by giving a helping hand around your house. When you know how hard and how endless it could be, then you'll start to appreciate your break. You reap what you sow, darling.

Speaking of cleaning, i've been cleaning my room for the whole week and it's still not done. In fact, it's far from done... ( * ~ *''') I'm not exactly pscyh to clean my room but what choice do i have? For one thing, it's been stuffed with my good 'ol daddy and mommy's possession. Add in another box or two, and it's offically a storeroom. Second: Once I clean it, and when I get back to school, only god (and I) will know what happen to the room and I'm speaking from 4 years of experience. Thirdly, what was the third one again? oh yeah, thirdly, I'm allergic to dust. As much as I want to make an excuse to not clean, I mean it. Everytime I clean, I'll sneeze my nose out, and my eyes become puffy and bloodshot.

Bloodshot? Strangely enough, that's how my eyes look right now. It prolly mean, I'll should get to bed. So, I'm taking my leave here. Let's hear from you or rather, from me, next time. SO long folks.

5 gone, 1 more to go...

2009-11-27T11:30:00.002+08:00

Whipeeeeee....

Exam this semester is quite crappy, I must say...
But for now, after my last exam on the 30th, then im off to holiday mood land...

I'm actually going to Singapore this holiday. I'm very excited to meet my singaporean friends, namely: Shin Pei, Hannah, Teresa, Wei Han and Geok Lan... At the same time, I can't help but worry. I'm going there alone with my mom... n i have this tendencies of getting lost.... bahhhh... (biting nails). n i dun actually have any plans... i was saying it to my mom, n she, without a second thought agreed. wat was i actually thinking? LOL

OH CRAP!! i totally forgot that i have JLPT exam on the 5th... ahhh shuckssss... there goes my holiday planning after the 30th...

The Orphan

2009-08-30T02:27:00.004+08:00

Deceive not of her innocent look

I just watched 'the orphan' for the midnight show with two of my very good friends at the mall, Gadong.... What I can say about the movie is, it is a very well plotted movie and everything will make sense at the end of the movie. I was clutching the collar of my shirt up to my ears everytime, the movie gets intense. I definitely give this movie a two thumbs up... We can't even stop talking in the car. I definitely want to buy the DVD once it's released. Until then, enjoy it in the cinema... By the way, the name of the child is Esther.... AND I'd like to say, there really is something wrong with Esther.... Definitely wrong...

Oh and one final thing, I apologise for the long absence... I hope I can update this more often. But I'll see about it....

Making a come back

2009-04-05T21:51:00.004+08:00

Hi...

It has been a while....

But here I am, making a new come back... hee hee

As you are all aware, I had not been keeping my promises for the past months.

So sorry for that...

So stay tune for more updates... *wink wink*

In loving memory of...

2009-01-03T22:16:00.004+08:00

Death... A fate that is shared by everyone...Wealth... Age... Possession... all does not matter... It will not put a stopper to death..

In the morning of New Year... On the very day that we should be celebrating... A bad news greeted us... Dumfounded, all I could say was:"Which grandma?" Behind my eyes, my thoughts were: "This can't be happening! It shouldn't be happening!! I refused to believe it... I have to see this with my own eyes..." Guilt pressured my chest... COnfusion swirled at the back of my mind... A little twinge of sadness haunted my heart... Fear choked my lungs... For all matters, I no.. we had lost our loved one...

As I set my eyes on her, her face was serene although pale, her body did not move... She couldn't be sleeping... She could have gone miles away from here... Tears streaked down my cheeks as I kissed her forehead... This is it. The last day that I could lay my eyes on her. This is it. The forever goodbye. It pained me to hear my other younger relatives asking for explanation: "Dad, why are you crying?" "Grandma, why are you lying over there?" They could not understand, not being able to fathom death out of their innocent mind...

As they carried the coffin to the grave, the tears that I held on bursts... There wasn't time for ego... There couldn't be time... Grief, no sumting beyond grief filled my heart... I felt empty, the heat radiated from her and the sustenance that she gave weren't present anymore. Walking on the jagged pebbled road barefootd, it seemed appropriate for me... Like a punishment for not saying a proper goodbye... The skin that were spliited open, the wounds that were sheared from my skin, the blood that gushed out from the wound, nothing is to be compared to the sorrow that I felt...

The time has finnaly come... This is our final goodbye... No more grandma to look after us anymore. No more grandma for us to kiss or shake hands with. No more grandma to visit to in the hospital... For god had given her the wonders... For god had loved the grandma more than we ever loved her. For God had ended her endless suffering...

Goodbye grandma, we love you... You're forever in our heart...

May you rest in peace

Siti Hajar binti Abdullah Dato Maharaja Setia Dian a.k.a Linggang binti Dato Maharaja Setia Dian.

5 Gone, 1 More To Go...

2008-12-04T18:38:00.003+08:00

Phew!! What a week?! Or was it two weeks? Doesn't really matter, but what matter is, I will be having my last paper this Saturday! YAY!!! Shout out for freedom>_<. Wait... Not just yet... Gosh I almost forget. Gee, I had to zoom back to Kaybee after the exam this Saturday and probably having no rest 'cause we're having a party that night (Come on, give a break)...

Huh?! What? You want to know how I felt for the exam papers? You're a nosy one, aren't you. haha. Well, to sum up all the 5 papers I sat, of course IT WAS HELL... I barely rest revising and because of that, I think I need to wear spec.

My first paper was CT: Maths, so far so good I think. I wrote a lot in the paper and I'm not sure whether I was answering the questions or not. Most importantly, I was embarrassed on that day. Hmph, I refused to let you know.

The second paper was Research for teachers. The 18 of us, predicted that the exam will be very difficult, so the day before I went to mami's house and revise (me and Tajul spent overnight there). As usual, I overslept so we did our last minute revision during that morning, and thank GOD, mami helped me a lot. If it was'nt for her, who knows, I might flung the paper.

The third paper was Japanese Language. So far, I think the paper was ok. But I overslept again so I didnt read much on that day but I think I manage to get the hang of it. Learning the kanji stuff was crazy. I almost gave up on that day. It was the first I felt stressed studying the language.

The fourth was Individual difference. I felt less confident of scoring the paper high, 'cause the lecturer's so unpredictable. On top of that I did fairly bad in my coursework. So getting a C, would of course be a relief.

The paper I had this morning was Maths 1. Last night, we (me and Ain) went to Mena's house again. I thought we had fun though- begila kajap. bang bang bang bang bang haha super annoying. But like the old saying foretold: "ketawa awal2, menangis nanti2. Well I dunno the exact saying but yeah, the paper today was by far the most difficult of all. I left many of them unanswered. I hope I can score an overall of C for all 6 papers.

Fuh, now that was tiring. Huh...? Xcuse me? Why am I doing all the typing? Well, for starters, I havent updated my blog for a long time, so I guess you guys might want a little update.

But worry not, I will be updating sometime next week after my trip to ..... (oopsy). Until then, see ya!!

Radical Dreamers... The unstolen Jewel

2008-11-24T21:01:00.004+08:00

kurono kurosu no gemu o shiteimasuka? It means, do you know a game called chrono cross? Well, today I'm going to talk something about it. And before that, I would like to apologise for my long absence... Gomenasai

If you ever finished playing the game, you probably remember the ending song. The ending song has been one of the first japanese songs that I really like (I still love it). It sounded peaceful and... oh i dunno how to describe it. It's not just the music that captivates me but the meaning of the lyrics as well. Here, I will give you the romaji as well the translation of the song. It is called Radical Dreamers by the way sung by Noriko Mitose... Two thumbs up and another Two toes up, haha

Osanai te ni tsutsunda Clasped in my young hands...
Furueteru sono hikari wo Is a light which makes me tremble
Koko made tadotte kita I followed it all the way here
Jikan no fuchi wo samayoui Traveling along the edges of time itself

Sagashi tsuzukete kita yo I am still searching for you
Namae sae shiranai keredo Even though I don't even know your name
Tada hitotsu no omoi wo There is just this one small memory...
Anata ni te watashi takute That I wanted to share with you

Toki wa ai mo itami mo Time is love and hurt
Fukaku dakitome Embrace it well
Keshiteku kedo watashi wa oboeteiru I will never forget these feelings
Zutto... Forever...

Watashi no mune no oku ni In the depths of my chest
Itsukaraka hibiite iita It has been echoing for some time now
Yotsuyu no shizuku yori mo More silent than even a fog
Kasuka na sasayaki dakedo This is more like a faint whisper

Itetsuku hoshi no yami-e Destined to reach the darkened stars....
Tsumugu inori ga Is a spinning prayer
To'oi anata no sora ni Your sky is far in the distance...
Todoku you ni But it will still reach you

Well, there we are... I hope you like the lyrics...

Here, if you want to watch the ending theme of Chrono Cross, click on this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxYzJsRM_Ow&feature=related or you can just check on my friendster to see the video...

Update! =p

2008-11-12T19:20:00.004+08:00

PS 1218 mini project.
"love you guys punya work!" (tikah, 2008)

tan and hajah amal

from left: jasmine, tan, hjh amal and filzah kambang =p

"discussion" =p
were we, no?
hahaha~

fifiey and tan

this was supposed to be candid.
afif, filzah and rabil inda ikut arahan =p

afif and tan
*gambar paksa*

The curse of the black wind!!

2008-10-21T17:50:00.003+08:00

Last night, at the UBD sports complex, the kurokaze was having a football match. Too bad Afifudin and I couldn't come and support them. However, I'm sure our spirit were with them. Cause they lost. Kidding!!! But yeah, although they lost, but We're proud of you KUROKAZE!! Great jobs both players and supporters.

To Akio-kun. Banar tah kata mu tu, when you said every football matches ada saja ko injured ah. I checked Zul's blog and found out you injured yourself again. Odaiji ni!! Ki o tsukete kudasai!!

BTW i don't have the pics for yesterday's match (obviously, cause I wasn't there) so you can go to Zul Patchi blog.

But publishing blogs without pictures are pointless, don't you think? So I'll add in two pictures of special appearance guest star--> giantkoala in kurokaze shirt... In respect to give the team 'semangat', me and afifudin wore the shirt the whole day of yesterday. Malu pulang cause, people were gawping at us and puji-pujiing us (Me and Afif kambang jadinya). Maybe because, the baju made us look nice or the baju itself was nice. Thanx Reiji-kun for designing. You should also thank me, cause I (and two of my good fren- Hikari-chan and Nanami-chan) gave you the team name.

Lastly, kurokaze means Black Wind, in case you're wondering.

Me front view

Back view: It reads 59 and Rokudaime

5 Things for your fitness from Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper

2008-10-20T18:14:00.003+08:00

Know the The Biggest Loser show? Know Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper?

Okay, if you don't, give yourself a whack on the head. Jillian Micheals and Bob Harper are trainers from the reality show: The Biggest Loser. For your info, the biggest LOSER doesn't imply for being FAT but refers to the big difference in how much they had lost their fat. (So, becoming thin from an obese person implies the word the 'biggest loser', got it?) But, if you want to put it that way, it's up to you (haha).

I was surfing in the internet as usual, when I stumbled on the sentence: 5 ways of losing weight from Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper (I think so...) So I think this might be interesting and I clicked on it. Here's how the article suggest you to lose weight:

One:Experiment to find your own diet

Two: Don't ever starve yourself

Three: Tough it out

Four: Just forget about your thighs

Five: Keep your perspective

I'm lazy to elaborate those tips they gave, so this is what you should do if you're interested to know what they actually meant, click on this: http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/health_omag_200412_weight

Good luck with losing your weight. I'm suggesting this cause I think it is time for us to be fitter. After all, raya's almost gone, so I guess you guys would have increased 2kg at the very least. Right? (Banarnya aku sendiri pun tersindir). But yeah, let's do our best. GANBARIMASU!!!

Soar into the Cerulean sky: Tembird...

2008-10-19T16:58:00.020+08:00

Konnichiwa Minasan... I just came back from our second largest district, Tembird.... Today, we went to visit two of our members- Akio-kun and Reiji-kun (FYI, they are Adi and Razif). We started our journey around 8 plus and by 8.33, we reached Gibby's place. So, it took us about 20 minutes to go to the tambing. Btw guys, no worry, I won't take much of your time. I'll upload the pics.

The people who joined the Tembird tour were: Cigu Sepol (Spelling alert), Ambuq, Pingin, Qoala, Ulal, T-kus, Bruang, Tigrr, Katam and Gajyah. C Bouya went back the day before, so we just meet at Pekan Bangar itself. Penda informed me yesterday that he won't be coming because, he's gonna be sick today (nice planning...)

The love birds

Zul kept his hand gun identity even in Tembird

On land:

Not to forget our Datin vain (sorry Gibby)

N the pilot of the day: Helej Buj

N our proudful, daydreamer

N me, Don't look at the double chin!!

Breakfast @ Akio-kun's house

Gibby, curtained by Pyah n Hani

When we were about to leave, we gathered and gave our Pantun for Akio-kun's parent. Well, actually, I cited the pantun and it was quite embarrassing for me. It sounded like this:

"Menuju Temburong, andang udah dinantikan",

"Ternampak Buaya, teringatkan Si Lejan",

"Salam raya, maaf kami pohonkan",

"Pantun Terima Kasih hanya dapat dilafazkan".

So, Next destination: Reiji-kun no uchi

Tuan Rumah yg serious

Ewah, malu le pulek

Ok, control parut...

Hmm, masih sama pun (Selamat Hari Raya semua)

Nasib c Zhaf nda mengamuk dengan ke'matching'an dorg ane

N andangnya ne, org yg suka interframe...

We waited till 1.30 to go back to the Tambing. We were actually full and some of us were drowsy and were laying waiting for the time to come (cam kan mati ja bunyinya kan?).

When we left, we went to Hakutaro-niisan's house so that he could pick up some of his things.

Hakutaro-niisan's abode of peace

Well, watdayya know, Zul actually abandoned his hand gun pose and went for "I look cooler if I don't stare at the camera" pose (haha Sorry Zul)

The auto-pilot device

The experienced version of Helejan, His father, substituted the pilot seat

Our rockerferry

Enjoying the craziest priced Ice-cream I've ever had. It's freakingly 0.50cent (I know it's cheap)!!!!!! You can actually get diabetes at a faster rate since you can afford them that much.

Last but not least, Let's play a game of spot-the-not. Can you see me on the colour-matched couch behind? I bet you can't. I should be a chameleon then, kan? Mr Zhaf was asking me to do a macho and I gave him a fatso. Hmm, not quite meeting the criteria of becoming a model.

Wrap up of the day, we had the total fun. So far, we went to lots of our friends' open houses together. We went to Brunei-Muara area, We went to Kaybee the other day and now Tembird. Oh? Did I missed out Tutong? I see where the problem is- I wasn't with them when they were beraya-ing at Tutong. (sorry Zhaf, Eiyan and Zahirah).

Okami: The tale of a white wolf that is Amaterasu

2008-10-19T01:09:00.008+08:00

Okami? What the heck is that?

Okami is a unique game that I fully recommend you to buy(Does that answer the question?). Well, it's a game that I bought long long time ago (during the pre-historic age that is [I know, LAME]). Here's my rating: Gameplay-9.2, Storyline- 9.1, Graphic-wise- 9.6, Camera angle- 7.7, Music- 7.8, Voice acting- 4 (at this point, I'm very generous as you'll get weary with the yametoruteyihasu). Overall rating is 9.1.

What makes Okami a must buy game?

For one thing, It involves lots and lots of japanese mythology and beliefs. So anyone who's interested to learn, you're welcome to play it (it's for PS2 btw). Oh fyi, Amaterasu in the japanese mythology is the God of Sun. The game reflect a lot of Japanese essence such as the Sakura (Cherry blossoms) and the story itself is about nippon (it means Japan in Japanese).

Secondly, It presents a rather unique trait as I had said earlier from the other games that I played. In this game, you'll be using a lot of the 'Brush technique' to play. The 'Brush technique' is the main course of the game since it displays a one-of-a-kind traits compared to other games(Unfortunately, I benefit nothing from promoting this game). For those who do not understand what I had talked about the 'brush technique', don't bother asking coz im not going to spit it out. Play it yourself.

Lastly, Why should you buy it? Coz I said so.

Enjoy the game, it is so satisfyingly enjoyable. One should not ignore the greatness of something.

One and three quarters thumbs up for the game (though the voice acting pulls the other thumb down) and that's saying something. I'm extremely picky in playing game. Trust me

Here's some screenshots for you to look at (the pics are nice, ain't it?)

Otherwise, you can check out the videos here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0xkFhola3c&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTUmo7enrs4

The Fireworks of the Festvities

2008-10-18T22:32:00.006+08:00

Di kala stress membuat kerja, open house datang mengoda

Good evening everybody. I had the most wonderful feelings for the past weeks of pulling chunks of hair, as wells as hysterical screaming, due to our stressful, mounting work (it sarcasm BTW).

However stressed, it had also been fun, going to my peers' open houses for the past few weeks and mind you I'm gaining weight. Frankly speaking, I'm very lazy to upload the pictures, so i trust my mates to upload them for me (Check Zul Patchi's blog to see tons of my candid pics inside apparently). Less work for me (sorry guys for taking the credits, hihi). Speaking of which, I particular had fun yesterday going to our friends in Kaybee (again, refer to zul's blog) and yeah Im sure I'll be having a blast tomorrow (we're going to Tembird).

Btw, I'm yet again posting anything here so I apologize for that but as I said earlier, you can't help to not update regularly. So sorry guys. Gomenasai.

A new dawn

2008-09-29T20:02:00.003+08:00

HALOO PEOPLE... sorry for not updating.... but yeah, been busy and I lost my password (Look away). But not to worry, coz im back. n i'll try 2 update s much s i can, yeah?

BTW, happy hungry ghost festival, Happy belated burfday 2 me, 2 fatma, hjh amal, n 2 whom it may concern, n happy advance burfday 2 matt, afif n anyone i missed.... n happy belated pre-teachers day for UBDians who want 2 pursue their career s teachers n happy hari raya 2 the muslims....

(p.s: i'll try 2 post pics of my birthday s well s some of the days that we spent for sungkaying, n sori 4 the lateness, peace)...

signed: giantkoala

Kendo- the japanese style of fencing...

2008-07-11T12:17:00.023+08:00

Kendo- the way of sword

Keiko gi and hakama, bo(u)gu set

Kendo, from the name itself is the way of sword, a japanese martial art of fencing. However, the movements are different from that of the western fencing since the design of the sword is different, using only the edge of the sword to employ strikes . In terms of clothing, the kendo-ka (meaning one who practices kendo) wear the the keiko gi and hakama for training. For sparring (shiai match in japanese) the practioner will wield extra armor set called the bo(u)gu set to protect certain parts of the body such as head, arms and body.

Kendo equipment

Kendo is practised using a shinai for training as well as for sparring. Commonly, only one shinai is used. Shinai is made up of certain bamboo which is held together using leather fittings. Kendo also uses bokken/bokuto (wooden swords) to practise more formal set forms called kata.

Kendo shiai match

Kendo practise is rather noisy compared to the other martial arts. This is because kendōka use a shout, or kiai, to express their spirit, and when a strike or cut is performed, the front foot contacts the floor in a motion similar to stomping, called fumikomi-ashi.

That's me in keiko gi and Hakama

For more infos, click on this link to know more about kendo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kendo or http://www.trianglekendoiaido.org/html/kendo.html

Poltergeist BIrds?

2008-07-09T22:14:00.003+08:00

Tornado birds?

On Tuesday night, I was doing some yahoo search and something caught my eye. On the headline, it wrote: strange formation of birds. This could be interesting, i said to myself so, i clicked on it and yes, it was something that is a sight to behold. The birds were swirling and moving in random directions and were making eerie formations. It reminded me of the kikaichu bugs in the fictional story of Naruto. You can watch in youtube by typing: 'poltergeist birds' on the search engine or just click to this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJQ78cvbCAQ

I recommend you to watch this strange movements of the birds. It made me think, is something terrible going to happen? Another impending calamity? More lost of lifes? Is this some kind of warning? I hope not... The Earth is still wounded from the recent typhoon and earthquake. Another disaster is the last thing we need right at the moment. Frankly, watching the video made me feel uneasy.

Kyle XY addiction

2008-07-07T22:58:00.004+08:00

Kyle xy

During the semester break, I took the opportunity to watch this T.V series called the Kyle XY. Before I even know the story, but sorry to say this, I thought the series was not the sort of the type that captivates me. Well what do you know, watching the first few minute of the first episode left me gawp in utter bewilderment. It’s lovely if I have to put it in words (actually lovely is a little of understatement). Now I’m watching the 2nd season of the series and if I have to compare, I’d say I prefer the first season especially, towards the ending (it gets more and more emotional).Thanks to those who kept telling me how great the series were. And many thanks to my great friend Takeru-niisan to supply me the copy of the series.

Management Lessons You Can't Learn In College

2008-07-06T22:52:00.002+08:00

I was cleaning my room, when I saw this pile of old magazines on the floor. Just when I was planning to get rid of those; I spotted a few of those comprises of the local free mag- the Buyer’s market. I couldn’t help but noticed that some of the articles in this issue (BM vol1, no. 4/Dec2005; pg23) are super interesting. I enjoyed it and I hope you enjoy it too. Here goes nothing:

HEADLINE: MANAGEMENT LESSONS YOU CANT LEARN IN COLLEGE

Lesson 1: A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit, who was constantly on the move avoiding its natural enemies, saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not?” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must b sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 2: A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of the tree”, sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “well, why don’t you nibble some of my droppings? They’re packed with nutrients” replied the bull. The turkey then pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. But, soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there long, if that’s all you have.

Lesson 3: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to chirp for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management lessons: (1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy; (2) Not everyone who gets you out of trouble is your friend; (3) And don’t forget this very important point: When you’re in big trouble big-time, just remember to keep your big mouth shut!

So? How did it go? I find it makes sense and amusing. Enjoy it like I do.

Hajimemashite!!

2008-07-06T22:47:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone! I’m new here so, forgive me for the lack of expertise in blogging. First of all, I have to warn you that the stuff that I include in my blog will be of anything random or just events that had occurred in my life.

Secondly, I believe that blogging is a sort of alternative way of expressing oneself. So I should probably warn those who are of steel-hearted that sometime I might be too emotional for you to bear. So just brace yourself…

Lastly, let me break it up to you. It might sound corny, but just enjoy. Here I go, Peace.