It's our party, we can do, say and love what and who we want.

There I was, sipping my freshly brewed latte, when I was unconsciously bopping my head for a bit as the beat of the music finally caught my attention. "So la da di da di, we like to party" kept ringing in my ears. My head tilted from side to side like a dog, poised, having heard a strange noise. "Who's singing this song?" The TV, spotting a young woman wearing all white, finally caught my eyes and with a mighty effect, my jaw dropped to chest level, I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. The young woman was twerking her *** off, tongue hardly inside the mouth, fingers were cut, oozing with strawberry flavoured paint, making out with a doll, everything was just so WRONG. What happened to Miley Cyrus? Miley had finally embraced the walrus in her.

I was in a state of shock, I mean, this is Miley, the girl with the slightly bucked tooth is now making sexual and suggestive movements. Sure, you only live once, and this is a transition from a Disney princess to an adult artist. Sure, no one's perfect and you are bound to make mistakes. Sure, you are an adult now, and choices are yours to make. I couldn't and shouldn't care less about it. 

Then, to my horror, I started to have these poundings in my head. Across my table, are some teens, imitating her, tongues rolling in the air like a bizarre anteater. This, I cannot take! This is Hannah Montana after all, her fan-base (or ex, might I add) were that of young girls (or boys, for all it matters). Whatcha thinking GIRL? Your pixie cut hair is just a bad taste, and so are the life you are living now. I repeat, IT DOES NOT WORK! What you just did is just blasting your squeaky clean images off. 

Sigh... Things like these always go mainstream. You can live your life however you may desire, but please... You don't have to show it to the world. What next? You going bald? Getting naked and spreading your legs in the air? New sexual images/videos 'leaked'? One wrong move, you will end up like missy Lindsay Lohan. Well, maybe that might put you through all the attention you want.             

Losing...

One question that I kept and probably will keep on pondering: "Am I a failure?"

"Perhaps not!" my heart would say. We have to see success and failure from various angles before jumping to conclusion. Failure to us, maybe a great success for others. It depends on how we look at it.

But to me, I feel like a complete failure. People had this grand expectation of me... That... I have this ability or power to change people. I can do so much but I can only that much. "With great power, comes great responsibility."

I may have achieved certain aspects of life that I should pat myself on the back, but what use are they if I'm driving away all my love ones?  

I've lost grip of the person that I love. I've lost my best friend. I've lost my dignity. I've lost my freedom. Soon, I will lose my niece and nephew. What more will be taken away from me? Health? Hope? Love? Respect? And of course, obviously youth and my mother.  

I am in God's hand just as everybody is. If I were to receive such fates, who am I to go against that will?

It is just that I miss my grandmother. And I miss my best friend. And I have the feeling that I'm going to miss the old me. Every time I try to tighten my grip, I seem to lose grip of my love. I am fighting a losing battle here...

The future...

A lot has changed lately.

A lot has been taken away from me.

A lot... 

If this keeps up, the future is dark. 

I have nothing to lose now... I'm clinging to dear life and pride has nothing to do with it. 

Heat

It's march the 3rd, Im FTanCY. And this heat wave has made everyone crazy. 

Heat expands. Melts things. Make things boil. Sets thing on fire. 

In sync with all this heat around me, pointed out this blatant way how my life wasn't expanding.That I was stuck. Single. Alone. Left wondering...

Maybe It's Just You

It’s funny how the world changes sometimes.

How the streets you walked your entire life suddenly seemed darker... Colder....

How the silence isn’t so quite anymore.

How eyes you’ve barely even noticed, now look at nothing but you.

How the walk home is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder

Maybe it’s not the world that’s changed. Maybe it’s just you...

Looking at one perspective

I realized why I liked being a teacher. And still liking it. Which is an overstatement, considering that I’m just being employed for about a month or so. But seriously, I like being address Mr Tan or teacher or Master Tan or even Monster Tan, for all it matters.

It  is good to know that, there are people left in this world that could/would look up to you, inspired by you, scared of you, shaped by you, learned something from you. At least, in their eyes, I was someone- respectable, knowledgeable, and commendable. Kids… are just so pure, so innocent, so naïve, easy to please (well, to a certain extent), easy to distract and so full of life.

  

At the very least, you don’t see spite in their eyes or them, looking down and breathing down your neck like an angry bull. At least, when I’m with them, I’m very happy to see those happy faces looking up to you. That, there’s still hope. That, it’s not the apocalypse (yet) when half of the people in the world are those who judge you, look down upon you, hate you. That the other half, are the people who are there to accept you readily and open-armed.

I love my job.

Most sincerely,

Tan.    

The Start of A New Season

Hi all, it's winter here in the UK and the snow's falling like there's no tomorrow... It's almost the end of a season and I'm just wishing that it's warm and cosy here. Everything is just blistering cold. Sigh... BOO, fooled ya!! For a second there, you almost believed me right? (At least one of you do (If there's anyone reading this, that is)). I must say, being unemployed does not seem to match with my expectations. Here's why:

My expectation of being unemployed:

• Everyday will be boring as hell cause you're so free.
• I can play all the pending games whenever and wherever I want.
• I have more time to exercise (yes, your eyes did not deceive you. E.X.E.R.C.I.S.E)
• Penniless 
• Have more time to read more.

The reality of being unemployed:

• None of the above is true. LOL

One: My everyday was not boring at all as I HAVE BEEN ENTRUSTED WITH FAR TOO MANY ERRANDS.

Two: I haven't been playing any of the games. T^T My wish to finish at least 3 games while being unemployed has now been destroyed. 

Three: No exercise, don't bother, don't care no more. LOL

Four: This surprises me Cause I was not broke at all considering I've never asked for any money from the parents nor do they give me any. (A note for all the ladies out there. I don't go putting money down the drain.   I should at least be desirable to you girls in that sense, right?)

Five: Huhu... Need I say more? 

Well, the only thing that matches with my expectation during this "holiday" is that I can sleep and wake up whenever I want. 

Now then, why did I write 'the start of a new season' for the heading earlier on did I hear you ask? My new year resolution? AHAHAHA of course not, silly! It's too late for that. Well, the reason being is that I've received a call from JSS saying that I need to attend a briefing held for tomorrow morning. With that, I personally think that I will be working very soon enough. And so, it's finally time for me to turn over a new leaf. Swoosh*