Maybe It's Just You

It’s funny how the world changes sometimes.

How the streets you walked your entire life suddenly seemed darker... Colder....

How the silence isn’t so quite anymore.

How eyes you’ve barely even noticed, now look at nothing but you.

How the walk home is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder

Maybe it’s not the world that’s changed. Maybe it’s just you...

Looking at one perspective

I realized why I liked being a teacher. And still liking it. Which is an overstatement, considering that I’m just being employed for about a month or so. But seriously, I like being address Mr Tan or teacher or Master Tan or even Monster Tan, for all it matters.

It  is good to know that, there are people left in this world that could/would look up to you, inspired by you, scared of you, shaped by you, learned something from you. At least, in their eyes, I was someone- respectable, knowledgeable, and commendable. Kids… are just so pure, so innocent, so naïve, easy to please (well, to a certain extent), easy to distract and so full of life.

  

At the very least, you don’t see spite in their eyes or them, looking down and breathing down your neck like an angry bull. At least, when I’m with them, I’m very happy to see those happy faces looking up to you. That, there’s still hope. That, it’s not the apocalypse (yet) when half of the people in the world are those who judge you, look down upon you, hate you. That the other half, are the people who are there to accept you readily and open-armed.

I love my job.

Most sincerely,

Tan.    

The Start of A New Season

Hi all, it's winter here in the UK and the snow's falling like there's no tomorrow... It's almost the end of a season and I'm just wishing that it's warm and cosy here. Everything is just blistering cold. Sigh... BOO, fooled ya!! For a second there, you almost believed me right? (At least one of you do (If there's anyone reading this, that is)). I must say, being unemployed does not seem to match with my expectations. Here's why:

My expectation of being unemployed:

• Everyday will be boring as hell cause you're so free.
• I can play all the pending games whenever and wherever I want.
• I have more time to exercise (yes, your eyes did not deceive you. E.X.E.R.C.I.S.E)
• Penniless 
• Have more time to read more.

The reality of being unemployed:

• None of the above is true. LOL

One: My everyday was not boring at all as I HAVE BEEN ENTRUSTED WITH FAR TOO MANY ERRANDS.

Two: I haven't been playing any of the games. T^T My wish to finish at least 3 games while being unemployed has now been destroyed. 

Three: No exercise, don't bother, don't care no more. LOL

Four: This surprises me Cause I was not broke at all considering I've never asked for any money from the parents nor do they give me any. (A note for all the ladies out there. I don't go putting money down the drain.   I should at least be desirable to you girls in that sense, right?)

Five: Huhu... Need I say more? 

Well, the only thing that matches with my expectation during this "holiday" is that I can sleep and wake up whenever I want. 

Now then, why did I write 'the start of a new season' for the heading earlier on did I hear you ask? My new year resolution? AHAHAHA of course not, silly! It's too late for that. Well, the reason being is that I've received a call from JSS saying that I need to attend a briefing held for tomorrow morning. With that, I personally think that I will be working very soon enough. And so, it's finally time for me to turn over a new leaf. Swoosh*  

We survived!

The year 2012 has been a paranoid year for me. Why paranoid, I hear you saying? Ah alas, thank you for asking... Well, I for one was doing my masters degree abroad in the United Kingdom... OHH beautiful beautiful country! Please, if you have the chance to go there, don''t mind if you do! Ermm..., as I was saying, doing my masters degree in a foreign land really 'socratise' myself. I've done a lot of worrying and yielded a lot of "What ifs" within that time. You know: "What if I flung my dissertation?" "What if there's a problem and I can't graduate?" "What if my money's stolen during my Euro trip?" "What if the London 2012 olympics was a huge Illuminati conspiracy and the whole of UK's blown up?" "What if the Mayan's prediction turned out to be true?" There you go, paranoia at its best LOL. But we're still here; roaming the land of Aurvandils (Don't bother to look it up. it's fictional), riding the fiercest storm and torrential rain in the sea and enjoying the sweeping wind along your face in a bird riding session. HAH! Call me childish, but I prefer to be called Imaginative. 

The year of 2012 has been eventful. Loving my UK moments with my loves (my house mates), and the euro trip was full of experience (be it good or vice versa; I feel like I have to say this, but I'm not going to set foot to Paris again.) Answering the above what ifs, it turned out that I passed (barely) my dissertation which was a big relief considering how upset I was when I handed it in and graduated with my Masters qualification. Proud was I, you have no idea. Ooh ooh, and most of my money were safe during the Euro trip up until Paris. Long story, don't ask, moving on... Umm, I don't know whether the London's Olympics was a conspiracy or what, but everything's still standing in Stansted AH, feel stupid after all that effort of googling and youtube-ing these so called 'bombings'. And the most epic of them all, turns out that the Mayan's prediction was not true (I'm referring to the world apocalypse that were to happen on the 21st December 2012). Considering the panic across Brunei when the people heard about the rumour (which was remotely the same as an elephant is to a crocodile), I was glad the world did not end.

That aside, I just wanna congratulate my mates I met in Japan, Mr Roel Sharp and Miss Geok Lan Quah who's engage to each other, for which I just found out 5days late (Talk about a week late newspaper.) Nevertheless, I am extremely pleased to hear the surprise (See, we had no idea). Say... Speaking of marriage, I am turning 27 this year and I've yet to find my other half. A lot has been pestering me (nosy nosy) about it and I am sick to my deathbed, just by listening to them ranting for hours and hours of endless, super annoying advice. Fuh, I've said it. I know, friends and relatives are moving away from what I call the "super-awesome-single-life" but mind..., you are entering a new phase of life, so stop prying on others'. If I am in the stage of desperado as I am not now, I'll be utilising the shenanigans at my expense, if you know what I mean.  But pray that this will cease to happen.

So (ahem), My point of writing this is to bold yourself up and face the 'inevitable' with a boxing gloves and an attitude on. The ups and downs in life shall continue to crash down onto your head, whether or not, are you ready to face it. 

Last but NOT least, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!           

Back to where everything started.

Hilo!

Herm... Just a few updates:

1. I've completed my masters degree. (I'm not a student anymore (  = _ ='''))
2. I'm back in Brunei for good. (To make a proper contribution)
3. I miss UK so much. (Beats me. That place's awe-so-some!)
4. I'm waiting to be called for work. (who doesn't?)
5. I'm due for graduation this December. (Can't wait to get back to the UK, really).

And so yeah. I'm back to where everything started.

WHY?

What is there to live for? What are certainties? What are not? Why do we live? Why do we die? Why are people so different? Why can't we live in unity? Why do we have different perception? Why am I fighting? Why? Why why why why why why?

Don't bother to tell me why. I am not that worth it!

The hidden.

It's funny how people question the use of social network to express their feeling. I for once, posted (re-posted actually) a status from someone that says: "If u have a problem, face it, not facebook it." But now that I know the feeling, I do post my feeling on Facebook or Twitter or in Path. I mean, what's wrong with that? When you feel like expressing it, why not? Would you rather bottle it and let it explode at the wrong time in a wrong situation?  I guess posting it for others to read is one way of making you feel "We heard you". True, if you have a problem, you should face it rather than posting it. But in a way I think, the first step to remedy these problems is through acceptance. If you accept the fact that you have a problem, then you would accept the fact that you should do something about it. When you accept the fact that you failed your exam, you will learn to accept that, "if I continue to be this depressed, I can never take a step further".  

So I've posted in my path, my facebook and my twitter page: "The hidden :)"

For my status in my whatsapp, I made it a little less ambiguous by saying: "Behind this hearty laugh, lies a deluge of sadness." 

Truthfully, I am sad. But I refused to succumb to tears. Tears is a sign of weakness. Instead, I showered everyone with laughter to show strength. People have no idea, I've lied to them.

But... Why would they care? If they knew I lied, errr... so? I might've fooled them, but the biggest fool of them all is myself. I myself is the victim of my action. The lie has no implication on anyone but on myself. Therefore I have to accept the fact that I'm not happy and I should move on. There's no use crying over spilt milk. It won't come back. Instead, wipe away the mess and pour yourself another glass. 

There, there... All the better. :)

So If you do have a problem, do FACEBOOK it, then FACE it and FREE the burden off your chest.  

P.S: this is also another way of making you feel heard.