In the morning of New Year... On the very day that we should be celebrating... A bad news greeted us... Dumfounded, all I could say was:"Which grandma?" Behind my eyes, my thoughts were: "This can't be happening! It shouldn't be happening!! I refused to believe it... I have to see this with my own eyes..." Guilt pressured my chest... COnfusion swirled at the back of my mind... A little twinge of sadness haunted my heart... Fear choked my lungs... For all matters, I no.. we had lost our loved one...
As I set my eyes on her, her face was serene although pale, her body did not move... She couldn't be sleeping... She could have gone miles away from here... Tears streaked down my cheeks as I kissed her forehead... This is it. The last day that I could lay my eyes on her. This is it. The forever goodbye. It pained me to hear my other younger relatives asking for explanation: "Dad, why are you crying?" "Grandma, why are you lying over there?" They could not understand, not being able to fathom death out of their innocent mind...
As they carried the coffin to the grave, the tears that I held on bursts... There wasn't time for ego... There couldn't be time... Grief, no sumting beyond grief filled my heart... I felt empty, the heat radiated from her and the sustenance that she gave weren't present anymore. Walking on the jagged pebbled road barefootd, it seemed appropriate for me... Like a punishment for not saying a proper goodbye... The skin that were spliited open, the wounds that were sheared from my skin, the blood that gushed out from the wound, nothing is to be compared to the sorrow that I felt...
The time has finnaly come... This is our final goodbye... No more grandma to look after us anymore. No more grandma for us to kiss or shake hands with. No more grandma to visit to in the hospital... For god had given her the wonders... For god had loved the grandma more than we ever loved her. For God had ended her endless suffering...
Goodbye grandma, we love you... You're forever in our heart...
May you rest in peace
Siti Hajar binti Abdullah Dato Maharaja Setia Dian a.k.a Linggang binti Dato Maharaja Setia Dian.
