2011, you shall be missed!

YO blog! 

Two more days to new year. Any new resolution? I haven't get to decide mine, since I had not achieved the resolutions I made for year 2011. Perhaps I shall carry those forward to year 2012. 

Phew... 2011 huh? Hmm, What have I missed? Basically nothing. I'm still alive and breathing and are still fit to roam the land of the Earth. 2011 has been a memorable journey for me. Let's pretend that we're in a sci-fi movie and the ceiling, the walls and the floor are just one big screen that would just whorl as the scene changes. Ready? Set... GO!

At the beginning of the year, granddad from me mam's side was seriously ill. So ill, that he lost weight and we barely recognised him. It's so lucky that we still have you Grandpop!

Then Shortly after, I had my TP! Great experience! Felt like I've became a major protagonist in a tiny village of dwarves. I love the kids and most potently, They LOVE me! Of course, not everyday is sunny. I had those occasional moments where it's cloudy, windy or even stormy! My particular memorable one was with one of my favourite boys! (If you're not sure of the story, refer back to my older posts). However towards the end of TP, I had a lot of work to do, and it somewhat took a toll on me. LOL Anyhow, moving on!

Right after I finished my TP, somewhere around May, we received a bad news about my grandpop living in Perlis. We've received intelligence that he had passed on. Mom and dad had just came back from the West Malaysia, and they'd insisted him to live with us. But then, he declined. Ah well, there's nothing we can do about it. Fate is in the hands of god. If I were to die now, I would! Although I have so little memory with him, but his blood (along with others) still courses through my veins. Family will always be family, no matter what or how far you're separated.  

When  I returned, our TP results were out. My hopes were high and never had I anticipated so much in my life. I was bummed when I got a B+. So devastated that I cried. But I was glad of my GK family and my mom for supporting me through and through. After the news sank in, I told myself: " B+ is not so bad after all"

Then things started to get busy. Me and Dayang had to rush up and down to UBD, MOE and also to James Hon for our masters application. And I had to tend to my aunt (who came back with us) and I had to please her every now and then. I tell you, the day when we bade her goodbye, I practically whopped in the airport. Mind you, people were starring but I couldn't care less. Now,

September came, I had my silver jubilee and ladida dida. Ugh, Come now, let's move on. Let's not dwell in something that's as finite as age, will ya? Oh by the way, the day my aunt went back to Malaysia was the best birthday present I could ever get. I'm mean, I know, but you don't know you're talking about. Try living with her and you would hand me a box of tissue out of empathy.

Then the big day came, I got my SECOND UPPER DEGREE in B.A in Primary Education. I was uber proud of myself and it has been hard work (and lots of procrastination too). 5 years man, 5 FREAKING LONG years. But I reaped what I sow. I stuck to what I vowed when I hand in the application form. The certificate I hold is for you mom! And I hope you're proud and happy of me! :'D Oh, And then I graduated from UBD. I remember I was rather emo sitting at the back seat of our car. "There couldn't be anything else that would make me any happier", I said to myself. And I STAND CORRECTED (or maybe sit corrected, LOL). I received a news that I, along with the others had been granted a full scholarship for pursuing my Masters degree.   

Skipping the misfortunate event dealing with the scholarship, everything was a complete mess. I had half- a mind to withdraw but considering that I'd worked too hard to get this far, I swallowed the medicine whole. And look where the others and I are now... Never had I dreamed that I would go this far. 

So blog, considering that I've written this 400 years worth of reading essay, I hope you've forgiven me for not visiting you. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a 4000 words assignment to write on. What a good way of spending my holiday and new year, huh? Nonetheless, wish me all the best. ;D Till we meet again someday. 

  

Mother...

Mother...

You brought light into my life,

You are the sustenance and the warmth that I need,

You moved heavy mountains off my chest,

You nag with guidance... In hope that I would be the best. 

But then mother, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I hope you are proud of me as I'm proud of you... 

I miss you and I longed for you. 

And I will pray for your health.

LOVE, from your homesick son. :'(

My silver jubilee

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to Tan Chun Yang,
Happy birthday to me! :)

Dear blog...

Dear blog,

it's been a while since I've dropped by. I hope you are fine. A lot has changed in the past few months. But I am still the same old me. The same obese, fat-loving bastard who can't be helped anymore. Yep that's me. No need to consider my feelings. I'm no human afterall. All the fats in me are blocking all the insinuation right back at ya.

So dear blog, give me your best critisicm. I'm sure I won't bite. :)

I'm also...

I'm also a human. There are times when I feel inadequate. Enuf said. :'(

Result....

Result is out... I got a B+. For once, I never longed for an A this badly. Most of the GK members got an A. I'm so happy for them. 

Normally, I would be smiling from ear to ear hearing that I got a B+. Nonetheless, this time I was rather sad. Sad, would be an understatement. Like I said, never had I ever feel so longing to score an A in my overall result.  I did my very best, I tried my hardest, I barely slept just to get an A. But I still score a B. Perhaps it's fate. 

Perhaps my father is speaking the truth? That I'm never gonna be exceptional. That I never be able to surpass my own self. That I will forever be, as he said it countless of time: "stupid". Am i not challenging myself hard enough? Am I not ambitious enough? Am I weak? 

The thought is killing me... 

Where's my soulmate?

My apologies for the long absence. After all, absence only make the heart grow fonder, is it not? Of late, I've been in a strange mood and I can't quite put my fingers on it. Imagine me going to see a psychiatrist and weren't able to tell him the problem. 

Oh well, until I know what or who or when or which or why the culprit's bugging me, I want to share a song lyric with you. I've always been a fan of Natasha Bedingfield and this song hit home of what I ALWAYS feel. So here goes:

SOULMATE: NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'Cause someone's bound to hear my cry

Speak out if you do, you're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr(s). Lovable is already in my life?
Right in front of me or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit?
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Oh, somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If you've never heard of the song, I suggest you go to youtube and start searching the song. :)

When will I see you again?

When will I see you again? 

You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said, 

No final kiss to seal any sins, 

I had no idea of the state we were in, 

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness, 

And a wandering eye, 

And a heaviness in my head,

Don't you remember? 

The reason you loved me before, 

When will I see you again?

What a week...

After all the effort.... After all the sleepless night... After all those commitment and all those neglect for my life and family and friends.... Nothing seems to be on fruition. It took just a few words to take down a whole man's motivation... :( 

It has been a hell of a week. Lost my career's life. Fell down the stairs. Got bump on the head because of the stupid air conditioner. Received poor remarks from my supervisor. 

What else is there for me? 

I'm just a simple man who deserves a simple life. 

A boy named Zafran.... (part 2)

Zafran, the new candle that lights up my path as a teacher. The child who broaden my vista, the one who opened my mind to see and to give empathy to others. Zafran became my greatest teacher.

Born like any other child, Zafran lived a happy, normal life. But cunning was mishap, predicament befell him at the age of 2. An accident that cost him his life. A fall down the stairs, the skull shattered and left the boy in a comatose state. Replaced with a synthetic skull, doctor gave no guarantee that he will be normal, ever again.  With such injury on the head and with only one eye working, Zafran was presumed handicap-able. Few months later, doctors were pleasantly nonplussed as Zafran started running again.  

The imprint of the injury still lingers to this date. The fits that he has occasionally is the result of  the freak accident- a post traumatic epileptic seizure. What he had gone through was definitely more than any of the other children had gone through. He faces life heads on and never did he ever complained. 

You have taught me well and I hope you'll do well in your future, you brave brave boy...

A boy named Zafran.... (part 1)

Last Saturday turned out to be 'the' most memorable event in my years of teaching (well, up to this point). The day appeared to be just like any other ordinary day and that was where the twist came in. I was having English period with my year 4 and things got ugly. Not literally though. One boy of mine, in fact one of my favourites, had an epileptic seizure. Gave me a fright he was. 

A read-aloud comprehension session was soon replaced by an agonizing scream. I looked back and saw, to my horror, the boy holding his finger as if it was caught on fire. Barely reaching out for his shoulders, the boy, continued with his screams, now, as it seemed, tried to bury one of his arms into the chest.  

The anguish pain was soon replaced by a sick, gurgling sound. The head jerked uncontrollably, the mouth twitching to the sides in a frenzy. In an attempt to do something, I tried to carry the boy, but futile it was, the best I could do was to drag him onto the floor and laid him there. 

Feeling impotent, I screamed for help, not knowing what to do, I shouted at some pupils to get help, shouted at some more, pleading for space and air for the poor child . Few minutes later the fits seemed to slow down. Holding the boy in my arms, calling out his names, praying and wishing that the boy will gain consciousness any time soon, I took a gallant step to check for the breath. Registering what was happening, I completely lost it, shouted at the remaining pupils to get help from the staffroom. With a whole crowd of pupils rushing to search for aid, I was left alone (with one or two pupils), fat tears forming at the sides of the eyes; "He stopped breathing", I repeated countless of time in my head....

By the time aid is here, it will be too late, I told myself in despair. Just then, the boy resuscitated, swaying with minimal control of the body. Murky it was, now the room seemed to be dazzling and blinking. Aid came one tad bit too slow but all was well. 

The boy was rushed to the hospital but the aftermath of the event lingered. The heart palpitated like there was no tomorrow and all colours drained from my face. If something were to happen to the boy, I would have blamed me for the rest of my pitiful life, I told myself in great disgust.   

One month after...

This is the first post after a month being a teacher... Honestly speaking, I'm in love with this job! I love all the kids. Well, most of the kids. So far, my favourite class is year 6 Cekal. And I love teaching art!! I love being called Mr. Tan (I don't like to be called sir Tan, sounded like Setan). 

Anyhow, Something funny happened today. No, actually two funny things happened today. I went into the year 3 Intan today and as usual I asked them to finish the art I asked them to do for the past three weeks. AND as usual, when they were doing the colouring/pasting, I walked around to monitor their progress. So when I came to this table, a boy was talking fast to me. Let's call the boy, boy T. He knew from previous weeks, I have a ps3, so he kept asking me about games and whatnot. Then, quite abruptly, he said this, "Cigu. Cigu kenal Shahmi? Cigu kenalkan? Shami gitau Tammy yang Shami slalu chat sama cigu dalam facebook." Not really paying attention, I asked: "Tammy ane sapa?" He pointed to his reddening face and replied: "aku" and the whole class was laughing. I had no idea the whole class was eavesdropping. haha, I'm so useless. Poor kid he was. 

I went to Nurul's class to observe her teaching year 6 Ceria for art. When I went upstairs, the class was really chaotic. Pupils were running and some girls kept requesting permission to look for Nurul. Because the requests were persistent and because the boys were misbehaving, I decided to 'erupt' in the class (although I'm not supposed to teach them). I yelled myself hoarse and did my best to do a scary stern look and I guess it paid off because I managed to control the class. While I was yelling, I saw my cousin as well as some other children (who is in year 5, next door) peeking into the class. I thought to myself, "wow! I must be really loud that the kids next door came peering to investigate the source of the noise".

During the journey home, I asked to my cousin, "I looked scary just now right?" She replied: "No, not at all. I felt like laughing". TOINK! Then I continued: "How come you guys were there when i was yelling? My voice must be booming then?" She replied: "booming? I can't hear you at all. We were just drinking, that's all"  

I'm loving it!

This is a post from a friend's blog about life. It's purely his writing, so please don't credit me. credit zukri the man! I'm just directing; Here goes:

Little Big Life

Let me get one thing out of the way before we go any further. In my opinion, and after years of pondering, reading, asking and more pondering, I think for absolute certainty that:-

HUMANS ARE LIMITED

We are. We have expiry dates. We have limited time from the moment we were born, to the moment when we finally have our final sleep. In between, we are limited by our energy level, by the time of the day, by the time of other people. We are limited in our physical capacity, by our mental capacity, by our social, spiritual and emotional capacity.

We are limited, by nature.

I cannot be skiing in Korea, while also scuba-diving in Bali. I cannot flap my hands fast enough so that I'll float like a humming bird. I cannot cross a football field in a single leap.

It is obvious that we cannot do everything, no matter how much planning we do. No matter how much positive thinking we inject, no matter how much training we put it.

It is obvious that we cannot do everything – but, make no mistake, we are capable of ALOT.

Most of us never reach our full capacity, because we never dare. We have been taught by society that failure is a painful emotion and that we should back away from even the possibility of failing. That holds us back. That makes us unwilling to put ourselves beyond our boundaries. This makes us limited.

Indeed, I believe that we, humans, are limited – but we are nowhere near that limit.

There are things that are being discovered today that we never knew possible a few years ago. There are inventions, born from a single idea, and grew into empires. Records are broken. Adventures had. Books written. Wonderful, new things being done every single day.

One day, we will reach our fullest potential, our maximum stretch, our furthest reach, where we've reached our limitation and unable to grow anymore.

But that day is nowhere near us.

We all have a part to play in pushing ourselves, and discovering how far we can jump, how high we can reach, how much we can take.

Do your part for humankind. Show us what we’re capable of doing!

Here is a trivial post...

Hey there... I've got something to share here.

I was told by a friend that a certain ferry (somewhere closer than you think) charged people for going to the toilet. I mean yeah, why bother sharing this, it's quite common for some faculties/buildings/transportation to charge us for going into the lavatory.

Well I'd say, hold on to your sea horses! I've not made my point! For starters, the ferry charged 20 cents to those who go into the toilet to urinate. What's more, people who wants to defecate or in a more delicate form of word, "to shit" will have to pay 30 cents. AND AND AND, there's more! If you go for both, you'll actually have to pay 50 cents. Well yeah, a 2nd year primary school child can solve that simple addition. BUT (there's a huge but for it), this is not about the pricing (well in a way, yes, this is about the pricing).

So, here's something for you to think about:

Number 1: Why charged them differently? Both are the final product of waste and there's not much of a difference between these two: They're smelly and dirty. Same degree of disgusting-ness.

Number 2: How would the caretaker know whether they're "shi-shi-ing" or "poo-poo-ing"? By all means, people would be paying 20 cents for all it matters. Unless, they put a camera inside the toilet to know whether this people are lying or vice versa. Or a much less brutal way, put up a smell-o-meter to give it a sniff whether they are pissing or crapping. Right?

Number 3: Who,and I mean, WHO goes into the toilet and make a 'huge investment' without the 'small investment'; who? No one right? Then, for all it matters, they should be putting "20 cents for the tinkle and 50 cents for the wrinkle" or even better "20 cents per entry" for the signboard, which sounded much more reasonable and less hassle. 

So there you go. If there is someone who has a different opinion, go on and give it a comment.  

It's the Nu ya!

Hey Hey! Its the New Year! Welcome year 2011, bye bye 2010... I know for sure that this year, there's a lot to look forward for... One thing, I'm turning 25 by September and also, I'll be leaving UBD (if there's no problem). and Ooh yeah, I'll also be having my teaching practise and guess what? It's just around the corner... Nervous! And not to forget, it's the 1st of January so it has been 3 years since our beloved grandmother left us.

Now that year 2010 is sooooo last year, let's talk about year 2011. As in, what would I like to achieve? you know? A new year resolution? lol... So here's what I want to achieve by the final day of December 2011.

By the end of year 2011, I should be able to:

1) Ignore all the negative remarks supplied to make you feel bad about yourself and be happier.

2) Complete my degree and also to pursue for higher achievement.

3) maintain a healthier lifestyle.

4) express myself and deal with stress better than I could now.

5) become a better: friend, son, uncle, teacher, person and better boyfriend

6) land myself a nice, "I-heart-cooking" girlfriend.. haha! I'm kidding about this one. I may have felt lonely at certain times but I'm not desperate! haha

Well, there you go, 5 resolutions to keep by the end of year 2011. AND, go BLAST yourself with the new year celebration. haha