One question that I kept and probably will keep on pondering: "Am I a failure?"
"Perhaps not!" my heart would say. We have to see success and failure from various angles before jumping to conclusion. Failure to us, maybe a great success for others. It depends on how we look at it.
But to me, I feel like a complete failure. People had this grand expectation of me... That... I have this ability or power to change people. I can do so much but I can only that much. "With great power, comes great responsibility."
I may have achieved certain aspects of life that I should pat myself on the back, but what use are they if I'm driving away all my love ones?
I've lost grip of the person that I love. I've lost my best friend. I've lost my dignity. I've lost my freedom. Soon, I will lose my niece and nephew. What more will be taken away from me? Health? Hope? Love? Respect? And of course, obviously youth and my mother.
I am in God's hand just as everybody is. If I were to receive such fates, who am I to go against that will?
It is just that I miss my grandmother. And I miss my best friend. And I have the feeling that I'm going to miss the old me. Every time I try to tighten my grip, I seem to lose grip of my love. I am fighting a losing battle here...
