Back to where everything started.

Hilo!

Herm... Just a few updates:

1. I've completed my masters degree. (I'm not a student anymore (  = _ ='''))
2. I'm back in Brunei for good. (To make a proper contribution)
3. I miss UK so much. (Beats me. That place's awe-so-some!)
4. I'm waiting to be called for work. (who doesn't?)
5. I'm due for graduation this December. (Can't wait to get back to the UK, really).

And so yeah. I'm back to where everything started.

WHY?

What is there to live for? What are certainties? What are not? Why do we live? Why do we die? Why are people so different? Why can't we live in unity? Why do we have different perception? Why am I fighting? Why? Why why why why why why?

Don't bother to tell me why. I am not that worth it!

The hidden.

It's funny how people question the use of social network to express their feeling. I for once, posted (re-posted actually) a status from someone that says: "If u have a problem, face it, not facebook it." But now that I know the feeling, I do post my feeling on Facebook or Twitter or in Path. I mean, what's wrong with that? When you feel like expressing it, why not? Would you rather bottle it and let it explode at the wrong time in a wrong situation?  I guess posting it for others to read is one way of making you feel "We heard you". True, if you have a problem, you should face it rather than posting it. But in a way I think, the first step to remedy these problems is through acceptance. If you accept the fact that you have a problem, then you would accept the fact that you should do something about it. When you accept the fact that you failed your exam, you will learn to accept that, "if I continue to be this depressed, I can never take a step further".  

So I've posted in my path, my facebook and my twitter page: "The hidden :)"

For my status in my whatsapp, I made it a little less ambiguous by saying: "Behind this hearty laugh, lies a deluge of sadness." 

Truthfully, I am sad. But I refused to succumb to tears. Tears is a sign of weakness. Instead, I showered everyone with laughter to show strength. People have no idea, I've lied to them.

But... Why would they care? If they knew I lied, errr... so? I might've fooled them, but the biggest fool of them all is myself. I myself is the victim of my action. The lie has no implication on anyone but on myself. Therefore I have to accept the fact that I'm not happy and I should move on. There's no use crying over spilt milk. It won't come back. Instead, wipe away the mess and pour yourself another glass. 

There, there... All the better. :)

So If you do have a problem, do FACEBOOK it, then FACE it and FREE the burden off your chest.  

P.S: this is also another way of making you feel heard. 

What I would like to become...

When I was a child, I dreamed of becoming many things; a violinist, a meteorologist, a scientist, a truck driver, a singer but, above all, my ambition was to become a teacher. I remembered that as a kid, I viewed teacher as someone who knows about everything, someone who solves problem easily and someone who has the authority to tell you off or to boss you around. But as I entered secondary school, I soon had forgotten about my dream in becoming a teacher. 

My interest shifted to become a geologist as geography was my favourite subject. By the end of my secondary level, I was determined to pursue it as my career and took geography, chemistry and physics when I entered the sixth form. However, since mathematics is not my strength, I was performing rather badly in school at this stage. I left the school with just 2 ‘A’s and decided to try my luck by applying to our two local institutions.  I applied to a HND in accounting in one institution and diploma in primary education in the other. I was hoping to land myself in the accounting department as, rumours had it that fresh graduate will have a small glimmer of hope for getting a job, especially those who endeavoured for teaching as a profession. I was left crestfallen again when I was not admitted into the accounting department and left with no choice but to take the teaching course.

Nonetheless, prior to entering the university, my niece was born. For several months or so, I baby-sitted her. I taught her how to count and taught her how to sing the ABC’s. I discovered that there was so much pleasure in ‘coaching’ her. I was there the whole time when she metamorphosed from “I don’t know how to count” to someone who could say “one, two, three” with her fingers. I was proud of her as I was proud of me. Then out of the blue, I was struck by my own memory. I remembered that I made a promise to become a teacher when I grew up. I entered the university with an open mind and a new vow: to become the best teacher as possible.

For 4 and half years, we’ve learned various theories, teaching methods and strategies. It was the final four months of my degree that we put that theories, methods and strategies into practice. Naturally, there were times when the methods we used either worked or foiled but that is one of those time when we learned from our mistakes. After the teaching practice, I graduated from the university with an upper secondary classification and I was never proud of me ever. Dreams do come true after all.

Now, here comes a million dollar question: “What would I like to be as a future teacher?” In my head, I keep saying to myself that I would like to be the teacher who is well-respected by their pupils but still maintained a good rapport. I would like to be a teacher who students will look up to or someone whom they could trust with their problems. However, this I believe does not make up of a successful teacher.    

           Yes that is what I want to become; a successful teacher. A teacher who can think outside of the box and outside of the classroom and also someone who makes classroom experiences enjoyable and memorable. I would like to become a teacher who is flexible and unexpected but also confident and is not afraid to make mistakes and explore various teaching methods. A sense of humour would also be a good extra in the package. But of all that I have listed above, I think the most important trait that a successful teacher (and ultimately, what I should have) should possess is the positive attitude towards learning, the curiosity and also the honesty in their self-reflection. A teacher would have the acceptance that they too are human and just as any human would, they do mistakes.

           Of course, as evident from my teaching practice, being all that will consume a lot of ‘high maintenance’ and would be very difficult to ‘walk the talk’. Nonetheless, in my opinion, if a teacher set a particular expectation on themselves, it would be easier for them to move towards that goal. Unsurprisingly, if we are to be realistic, we could not have been all of that, but for the sake of our younger generation and also for the future, we as the ‘education engineer’ will have to make the best of it.  

Crying...

Crying isn't going to solve anything... 

BooHoo. :'(