I'm also...

I'm also a human. There are times when I feel inadequate. Enuf said. :'(

Result....

Result is out... I got a B+. For once, I never longed for an A this badly. Most of the GK members got an A. I'm so happy for them. 

Normally, I would be smiling from ear to ear hearing that I got a B+. Nonetheless, this time I was rather sad. Sad, would be an understatement. Like I said, never had I ever feel so longing to score an A in my overall result.  I did my very best, I tried my hardest, I barely slept just to get an A. But I still score a B. Perhaps it's fate. 

Perhaps my father is speaking the truth? That I'm never gonna be exceptional. That I never be able to surpass my own self. That I will forever be, as he said it countless of time: "stupid". Am i not challenging myself hard enough? Am I not ambitious enough? Am I weak? 

The thought is killing me... 

Where's my soulmate?

My apologies for the long absence. After all, absence only make the heart grow fonder, is it not? Of late, I've been in a strange mood and I can't quite put my fingers on it. Imagine me going to see a psychiatrist and weren't able to tell him the problem. 

Oh well, until I know what or who or when or which or why the culprit's bugging me, I want to share a song lyric with you. I've always been a fan of Natasha Bedingfield and this song hit home of what I ALWAYS feel. So here goes:

SOULMATE: NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'Cause someone's bound to hear my cry

Speak out if you do, you're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr(s). Lovable is already in my life?
Right in front of me or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit?
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Oh, somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If you've never heard of the song, I suggest you go to youtube and start searching the song. :)

When will I see you again?

When will I see you again? 

You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said, 

No final kiss to seal any sins, 

I had no idea of the state we were in, 

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness, 

And a wandering eye, 

And a heaviness in my head,

Don't you remember? 

The reason you loved me before, 

When will I see you again?

What a week...

After all the effort.... After all the sleepless night... After all those commitment and all those neglect for my life and family and friends.... Nothing seems to be on fruition. It took just a few words to take down a whole man's motivation... :( 

It has been a hell of a week. Lost my career's life. Fell down the stairs. Got bump on the head because of the stupid air conditioner. Received poor remarks from my supervisor. 

What else is there for me? 

I'm just a simple man who deserves a simple life. 

A boy named Zafran.... (part 2)

Zafran, the new candle that lights up my path as a teacher. The child who broaden my vista, the one who opened my mind to see and to give empathy to others. Zafran became my greatest teacher.

Born like any other child, Zafran lived a happy, normal life. But cunning was mishap, predicament befell him at the age of 2. An accident that cost him his life. A fall down the stairs, the skull shattered and left the boy in a comatose state. Replaced with a synthetic skull, doctor gave no guarantee that he will be normal, ever again.  With such injury on the head and with only one eye working, Zafran was presumed handicap-able. Few months later, doctors were pleasantly nonplussed as Zafran started running again.  

The imprint of the injury still lingers to this date. The fits that he has occasionally is the result of  the freak accident- a post traumatic epileptic seizure. What he had gone through was definitely more than any of the other children had gone through. He faces life heads on and never did he ever complained. 

You have taught me well and I hope you'll do well in your future, you brave brave boy...

A boy named Zafran.... (part 1)

Last Saturday turned out to be 'the' most memorable event in my years of teaching (well, up to this point). The day appeared to be just like any other ordinary day and that was where the twist came in. I was having English period with my year 4 and things got ugly. Not literally though. One boy of mine, in fact one of my favourites, had an epileptic seizure. Gave me a fright he was. 

A read-aloud comprehension session was soon replaced by an agonizing scream. I looked back and saw, to my horror, the boy holding his finger as if it was caught on fire. Barely reaching out for his shoulders, the boy, continued with his screams, now, as it seemed, tried to bury one of his arms into the chest.  

The anguish pain was soon replaced by a sick, gurgling sound. The head jerked uncontrollably, the mouth twitching to the sides in a frenzy. In an attempt to do something, I tried to carry the boy, but futile it was, the best I could do was to drag him onto the floor and laid him there. 

Feeling impotent, I screamed for help, not knowing what to do, I shouted at some pupils to get help, shouted at some more, pleading for space and air for the poor child . Few minutes later the fits seemed to slow down. Holding the boy in my arms, calling out his names, praying and wishing that the boy will gain consciousness any time soon, I took a gallant step to check for the breath. Registering what was happening, I completely lost it, shouted at the remaining pupils to get help from the staffroom. With a whole crowd of pupils rushing to search for aid, I was left alone (with one or two pupils), fat tears forming at the sides of the eyes; "He stopped breathing", I repeated countless of time in my head....

By the time aid is here, it will be too late, I told myself in despair. Just then, the boy resuscitated, swaying with minimal control of the body. Murky it was, now the room seemed to be dazzling and blinking. Aid came one tad bit too slow but all was well. 

The boy was rushed to the hospital but the aftermath of the event lingered. The heart palpitated like there was no tomorrow and all colours drained from my face. If something were to happen to the boy, I would have blamed me for the rest of my pitiful life, I told myself in great disgust.